Here’s How Detroit Can Get Out of Bankruptcy

The city of Detroit, its residents (and Clint Eastwood) will tell you, is doing just fine. Its emergency manager, however, would tell you a different story. Kevyn Orr today filed for bankruptcy protection, the largest municipal Chapter 9 filing in U.S. history. But! All is not lost and Celebuzz has come up with some friendly suggestions to help the Motor City get back on its feet wheels.

Kickstarter Campaign

If it’s good enough for Zach Braff, it’s good enough for Detroit. Just throw up a quirky little video and offer some incentives (free Cadillacs for life, Kwame Kilpatrick will record your voicemail message) and you’ll be on your way. How much could you really need to raise anyway? Oh, $380 million? Yikes.

Home Improvement Reboot

Home Improvement is arguably Detroit’s greatest export. ABC could use a little help right now as well. I smell a solution. Bring back the whole gang (even Pamela Anderson) and let’s make Detroit look fun again! This probably wouldn’t really help the city’s financial problems too much, but it would definitely create some jobs and there’s really no harm in making Detroit look cool.

Pimp My City

Speaking of looking cool, did you know that Pimp My Ride host Xzibit is from Detroit? It’s almost like kismet. Bring X in to do some creative camera shots while the talented professionals of West Coast Customs install a couple aquariums or panini makers or subwoofers or whatever they do. Then we can flip this bad boy! I hear it’s a buyer’s market, Canada!

Bring Madonna’s Old Accent Back

Once upon a time there was a young woman from Michigan who loved to vogue and to wear wedding dresses. Unfortunately, she grew up to be a very buff British woman who loves to flash concert audiences. But let’s get Madge to bring that Michigan accent back! What’s good for Madonna is good for Michigan.

Something Something Eminem Something Something Kid Rock

Say what you will about Kid Rock and Eminem, but the two are probably the most high profile philanthropic Detroit natives around. The Kid Rock Foundation and the Marshall Mathers Foundation both raise money to help those in need in Detroit and have been doing so for years. What’s happened to Detroit is partially due to corruption, sure, but it’s also a terrible example of what happens to a city when those who can afford to jump ship leaving everyone else to sort out the problems.