has been third in line to the British throne for more than a week now. At his age, his fourteenth great-grandmother Mary Stuart
was already Queen of Scotland. What a slacker. So what has the week-old prince been up to for the past week? Boring baby stuff is the short answer. But that doesn't mean venerable media outlets like Us Weekly
and E! can't keep chasing those valuable #clicks, writing stories about the Boy Prince's every move. Here's what Prince George has been doing since his most-anticipated birth eight days ago.
Prince George has a "royal nickname," Us Magazine
tells us. While visiting the Whitstable Oyster Festival in Kent, Prince Charles
told well-wishers that his grandson will be nicknamed "Georgie in no time." Eight days old and he's already going for a rebrand, what a modern prince. Us
also informs us that some trick at the festival named Shona Corcoran brought a t-shirt as a gift for the prince, though a t-shirt seems like less of a gift and more of a strangulation risk for an infant. Charles also recycled some joke Prince William
already made about Georgie (can I call him Georgie?) being "very loud."
Prince William and Kate Middleton
are already ditching Prince George's childhood home in Buckleberry, leaving his childhood memories boxed up in a dusty attic, and moving into Anmer Hall, according to E! But "don't get too comfortable" E! advises, because the threesome's stay at Anmer won't be long either, as they're only living there until renovations are completed at Kensington Palace. Don't get comfy, by the way, is fantastic advice for an infant. It's a rough world, can't let him get too complacent. Anmer Hall comes with 10 bedrooms, which will be perfect for the octuplets Kate Middleton may or may not be expecting next. The home also boasts such luxuries as "a sitting room and a lavatory." Nice digs, Georgie! Don't get too comfortable!
Bill and Kathy got "something very special when they left St. Mary's hospital on Tuesday, July 23 -- and we're not just talking about their newborn son" (thanks for clarifying Us
!) -- a celebratory scroll. This special scroll expresses the hospital staff's "pride and delight" at being tasked with the delivery of the nation's future king. Charles and Diana
received a similar scroll when William was born at the same hospital in 1982. Us
' story also notes that, "The Duke and Duchess have invited well-wishers who would like to give their own gift to consider instead making a donation either to a local children’s charity or to the charity which raises funds for the hospital trust where the Duke and Duchess's baby was born." Clearly no one told Shona.
Finally, thanks to the good people at E!, Bobby Cannavale
breaks his legendary silence about the royal baby. So does Bobby Cannavale have royal baby fever? "Not really." Asked and answered.
Prince George remains illiterate. Kids these days!
But that doesn't mean The Guardian
can't recommend a little summer reading for him! After all, it's important that a relatively powerless and largely symbolic figurehead who serves as a reminder of a past era be well-read! Among Prince Georgie's required reading: Curious George
and The Little Prince
. OMG get it lol?
Will... Prince George... Will he be a... commoner?
E! wonders with horror. Let's present the evidence: George is the son of one royal (Prince William) and one commoner (Kate "K-Dog" Middleton, a street rat raised by feral cats in London's Brixton neighborhood). George is currently living with the non-royal Middletons in Buckleberry, E! posits. Will he grow up running drugs in Camden Town? E! quotes Elizabeth the Queen: The Life of a Modern Monarch
author Sally Bedell, "Over the years that he has been with Kate, William has been able to go there [to Michael and Carole Middleton's home in Bucklebury] and enjoy an ordinary, middle-class family life. His children will be able to do the same." However, before we get ahead of ourselves, let's not forget the Middletons are worth nearly $50 million, so "ordinary" is pretty clearly subjective. But my bet is that Georgie will grow up knowing exactly
how high to raise one's pinky during afternoon tea service.
takes us into the future for details about the yet-to-happen baptism of Prince George. Georgie will, the magazine assures us, be baptized by the Archbishop of Canterbury as an Episcopalian, finally putting an end to the bloody Thirty Years' War
. This ceremony will fortunately "follow tradition." Only about 60 people are invited, so you can quit checking your gmail for Bill and Kathy's evite. The peasant prince will wear a hand-me-down gown and Bill and Kath will serve old, stale wedding cake, "which they froze after their April 2011 wedding," since they can't afford a new one.