Fresh from her sixth stint in rehab, the 27-year-old actress was immediately forced to relive the many highs and lows of her career, from her battles with alcohol addition to her relationship with her parents and her time spent in and out of prison.
The questions were certainly tough, as one would expect from an hour-long interview with Oprah; but Lohan answered every one of them with with thought and honesty, like someone who really had, as she put it, “lived so many lives in one lifetime.”
Early on in the interview, Lohan — who said things first started to go bad for her when she moved to Los Angeles as a teenager (“I was around people just to have people around so I wasn’t lonely … I didn’t pay close enough attention to what was going on,” she said) — admitted being addicted to alcohol in her darkest days. She also confessed to using cocaine, but only 10-15 times, max, and without ever enjoying it. (“It allowed me to drink more,” she said.)
Eventually, Lohan said she became addicted to her chaotic lifestyle.
“It was a comfortable chaos for me,” she said. “So what was chaotic to some other people from the outside looking in was normal [to me].”
“Nobody’s perfect. I love my parents. Certain situations I would have preferred to have been handled differently. Certain things I would have preferred to have been kept within my family in private,” she said.
Included in those situations was the time Lohan frantically called Michael and accused Dina of being on cocaine during a heated mother-daughter argument.
“I wasn’t thinking clearly,” she said of the 2012 phone call, which was subsequently leaked online. “That’s not something that I’m proud of. I was really ashamed by that.” (For the record: Lohan told Winfrey that Dina was not, in fact, on cocaine at the time.)
“I hate what a bad wrap people give my parents, because they’re just parents, really, at the end of the day and trying to stand up for their daughter themselves,” she added. “I’ve asked in sitting with my parents recently, ‘Keep our life private, please.'”
“I don’t blame anyone for my mistakes … I did that, and I’m not proud of it. All I can do is keep doing what I’m doing now and not have those things in my life anymore and not go down that path.”
In the meantime, Lohan said she is continuing to take one day at a time and living life in the moment, which so far appears to be working.
“I haven’t felt the way I’ve been feeling recently and feel now in a very long time,” she told Winfrey. ” … I feel whole again. I have such a desire to want to keep this feeling and stay this way and I’m willing to do whatever it takes … I really want to be on set. That feeds me.”
“As long as I stay honest with myself and just do the work that I’m willing to do and have been willing to do and am doing, then there’s nothing than can stand in my way of that,” she added. “I’m my own worst enemy.”
Oprah’s Next Chapter aired Sunday night at 9PM.