She Came in Like a Wrecking Ball: The Wildest Moments from Miley Cyrus’ ‘Rolling Stone’ Profile

Robert Kessler / September 24, 2013

The latest curve in this roller coaster we call Miley Cyrus Takes America comes from Rolling Stone, who stuck the reb’l fleur du jour on its cover, all topless and tongue hangin’ out. The gonzo interview strives to get wild and weird: she eats a taco (that’s also a hamburger?)! She gets a weird tattoo! They survive a plane crash (sort of)!  At one point “a bummed-looking Oompa-Loompa, who is attached to a cable via a hook on the back of his overalls, gets hoisted up to the ceiling and dropped down to a table of girls, where he delivers a bottle of liquor” is a sentence that is written and then printed.

Our scene begins where any feral child star’s profile does: “[i]n the backroom of a tattoo parlor on North La Brea Avenue in L.A.”

Miley Cyrus gets the words “ROLLING” and “$TONE” tattooed on the bottoms of her feet.

For her first Rolling Stone cover story, Miley wanted to do something fun. “I thought about going to play laser tag,” she says. “But laser tag sucks. And we could have gone bowling, but what are we, 90?” Naturally, the next idea was getting a tattoo.

Miley Cyrus’s neighbors include Diddy’s baby mama, Steve Carell, and the ghosts of some flappers maybe.

Sometimes I’d walk by and see all these people in there dressed up like old-time flappers. I was like, “Is this real – or are you guys all ghosts?”

Miley Cyrus is just as anxious about how Breaking Bad is going to end as you.

Like, I was watching Breaking Bad the other day, and they were cooking meth. I could literally cook meth because of that show. It’s a how-to.

Miley Cyrus’ job as a kid was the clear the bras and underwear off the stage after her father’s concerts.

I’d get a really big one and be like, “Dad! I found your biggest fan!”

Robert DeNiro’s Taxi Driver character is one of Miley Cyrus’ fashion icons.

I bought a pair of Doc Martens. I shaved my head. Driving a fucking Ford Explorer around. Just blending in.

This is all only in preparation for the story’s big outing, wherein Cyrus takes her assistant and Josh Eells, the story’s writer, skydiving. All three survive and reward themselves by going to what Cyrus’ assistant calls “a Mexican White Castle.” Cyrus orders a taco burger, the physics of which are never explained. That night, the crew heads to a nightclub which literally features strippers of the male and female variety, a “miniature Psy” and a six-foot-seven burlesque dancer who was featured in Cyrus’ VMAs performance. This is also where the aforementioned Oompa Loompa comes into play.

That Cyrus’ increasingly bad behavior correlates with her first number one song is no coincidence. In an era where people are brands and brands are people, Cyrus is a marketing mastermind.

You can read the full profile here.