In Which We All Get Judgmental About Miley Cyrus’ ‘Bangerz’

After months of hype and controversy — and more twerking and tongue acrobatics than America could handle — Miley Cyrus’ fourth studio album, Bangerz, has been unleashed upon the world. You can listen to it in full on iTunes a week before it’s officially released, because that’s the age in which we live.

And now comes the fun part! Let’s all talk about how good/bad/embarrassing/game-changing/bangin’ the album is. I promise it will be the most fun you have until we can all get judgey about Katy Perry’s Prism.

After the jump, let us know what you think of Miley’s masterpiece by voting in our Bangerz poll. Then, join me in staring at a wall as we wait for Britney Spears to release the “Work Bitch” video tonight.

 Bangerz: A Few Thoughtz

I have never considered myself a Miley Cyrus fan. Aside from “Party in the U.S.A.,” I am unable to hum one other pre-Bangerz Miley tune. But I gave Bangerz a spin because, well, for one thing, I was curious, and for another thing, it’s kind of my job to pay attention to these things.

A few months ago, when she announced the album title, Miley said that the album was called Bangerz because it was full of “nothin but #BANGERZ.” However, when you play the record for the first time, you may be confused to find, as I was, that the record is decidedly not full of “bangerz,” In fact, a good portion of the album — including “Adore You,” “Wrecking Ball,” “My Darlin’,” “Maybe You’re Right,” and “Rooting for My Baby” — is quite blatantly mid-to-downtempo. It’s hard to imagine where Miley thought people could “bang” these songs. A barn, maybe? Or perhaps a Starbucks? Certainly not “in da clurrb,” as Miley herself would probably say.

The album has its moments, most notably the two singles we all know and love. “Do My Thang” is also quite good, and I will admit to being impressed by Miley’s vocals on songs like “FU” and “Someone Else.”  It also is, at times, abysmassing, which is a portmanteau of abysmal and embarrassing. For proof, please see hear “SMS (Bangerz)” featuring Britney Spears and “4×4,” a song that features the lyrics “I’m a female rebel” and “driving so fast about to piss on myself.”

“We Can’t Stop” and “Wrecking Ball” are great pop songs, the latter being especially powerful (even if the video dilutes that power).  Unfortunately, there are not many other moments on the album that live up to these songs’ grandness. The only other song that sounds like a bonafide hit is “Do My Thang.” Considering Miley just compared this album to Michael Jackson’s Bad, I would advise you to prepare yourselves for a whole lot of disappointment amid the few truly glorious pop moments.

Album score: 6/10, Would Probably Not Bang Again.

But you probably don’t care what I think, so I’ll shut up and let you tell me what you think.