Watch: A Horrifying Music Video About “Chinese Food”

I’m not doing this to torture you, but I need you to watch Alison Gold’s music video, “Chinese Food.”  Not because it’s good, but because it’s a summation of all that is wrong with America.

Stress eating, hangriness, and child labor are all showcased in the 3:27 video, accompanied by  visions of wings, chow mein, dumplings and wonton soup.  The production on this music video comes from the same company responsible for Rebecca Black’s burgeoning career.

My colleague Robert Kessler pointed out that he couldn’t follow along because the subtitle language kept changing.


We’re also led to believe that after eating a hearty meal of Chinese food, Gold starts tripping and takes her new Panda friend to a park where they get weird and see food in the clouds.

Spoiler alert: The panda is a grown-ass man.

Lyrics for the song are on Directlyrics. You have been warned.