A Baby Came Out of This

As I write this story, I’m wolfing down a wheat bagel with Weight Watchers whipped cream cheese.  As the carbohydrate reaches my paunchy stomach, I study the Duchess of Cambridge’s taut, washboard tummy.

How, I wonder, how did she deliver an 8 lb 6 oz baby boy?  I refuse to chalk it up to great genes and the lottery winner of metabolisms.  Where are the saddle bags?  Where is the baby weight?  Where is the justice?

Her Royal Highness popped over to Queen Elizabeth Olympic Park in East London today to visit a SportsAid workshop.  There, the royal patron met with several athletes who receive financial support and recognition during the early stages of their careers.

Catherine wore skinny J Brand jeans and her One Button Smythe blazer over a Ralph Lauren boatneck top.  Her shoes, which have been worn several times, are Stuart Weitzman’s “corkswoon” wedges.

The real highlight of the engagement came when Catherine stepped in on a game of volleyball.  As the world watched, the Duchess revealed the flattest stomach anyone has seen EVER.

Let’s also not forget how tight those jeans were and how there wasn’t a smidge of muffin top to be found.

There’s no point, ladies.  Just eat those extra calories.