Each year, the president officially pardons one lucky turkey before Thanksgiving. POTUS says a few words and a lucky turkey is sent to a petting farm or Disneyland, depending on the year, rather than to your family’s dining room table. It’s actually a fairly bizarre and morbid tradition if you think about it. (It is also a scam because both turkeys are spared an execution.)
This year, President Obama has left the decision up to us, the people, in the spirit of democracy or something. Our choice is between Caramel and Popcorn, two turkeys born a mere four months ago. The choice is clear, Popcorn is the right choice for America. Both turkeys are male and were born on July 8. But it is the things Caramel and Popcorn do not have in common that illustrates Popcorn as the more pardon-worthy.
At 1’11” and 37 pounds, Popcorn is the smaller turkey, the underdog (underturkey, if you will). Rooting for the underdog is almost always a better choice. Besides, the bigger turkey is going to make a better meal, that’s just simple logic. Sorry Caramel.
There is also, of course, the issue of their favorite songs. Popcorn has chosen a classic — Beyoncé‘s “Halo” — a romantic ballad for the ages. Caramel, however, has chosen “Bad Romance” by Lady Gaga which is a clear sign of immaturity, when “Bad Romance” isn’t even Lady Gaga’s best song. Caramel is not ready to lead this nation.
It is for the reasons above that Celebuzz officially endorses #TeamPopcorn for National Thanksgiving Turkey.