Billy Joel Basically Lives at Madison Square Garden

At a press conference today, Billy Joel announced that he would be moving into a very expensive loft apartment located at 4 Pennsylvania Plaza in New York City, otherwise known as Madison Square Garden, “The World’s Most Famous Arena.” Joel will be living in the rafters, protecting the arena from evil spirits, replacing the previous gnome who was vanquished by Carmelo Anthony. As a part of his contract, Joel will also crawl down from the rafters once a month to “sing us a song, you’re the pianoman.”

NBC News reports:

In an unprecedented move, Billy Joel announced at a New York press conference Tuesday afternoon that he will play Madison Square Garden once a month for the indefinite future. “Playing Madison Square Garden is an experience that never gets old,” Joel said. “A show a month at the Garden for as long as there’s demand means more opportunities to connect with music fans and provides a unique and memorable show every time we play here.”

While artist-in-residences are fairly commonplace in Las Vegas (hey Britney!), Joel will be the first performer with an ongoing contract in New York City. Though he’ll only be playing one show a month, there is no expiration date to his contract with the venue. His first show at Madison Square Garden is Jan. 27. He will then perform on Feb. 3, March 21, April 18 and May 9. No further dates have been announced.

At the press conference today, Madison Square Garden also unveiled a new logo featuring his name. It is now displayed alongside those of the New York Knicks, the New York Rangers and the New York Liberty, the three teams that play at MSG. The spires above his name form a pentagram which can be used as a weapon against demons who try to invade.