Marry/Bop/Kill/Spare – Pippa Middleton’s Men

With a report that Pippa Middleton is off the market (time to delete that pervy Facebook page), we thought it’d be jolly good fun to play “Marry Bop Kill Spare” with Middleton’s ex-boyfriends.

Back in late August, sources told Hello Magazine that Middleton wanted to wait on sharing the engagement with everyone so as to not steal the Duchess of Cambridge’s baby news.  Now Us Weekly believes they have the scoop on Middleton and Jackson’s engagement.

While Us has their day in the sun, I asked a few British reporters if this story is actually true.  Richard Palmer from the Daily Express told me via email that it’s difficult to confirm stories with the Middletons, as they have no spokeseperson.  “Someone will get lucky with a perfectly timed speculative story soon,” Palmer pointed out.  “No doubt, but it appears it is not US Weekly’s turn this time.”

Royal expert Victoria Arbiter seconds Palmer’s comments.

“Engagement rumors were rampant in September and here we are again,” Arbiter explained.  “Like royal baby rumors they’ll keep circulating until one day a tab gets lucky and the story is true. Pippa and Nico are really into each other that much is obvious, but I don’t believe they’re at the marriage stage yet. They really haven’t been dating all that long in the grand scheme of things.”

Ok, let’s play a little game of Marry/Bop/Kill/Spare.


Alex Loudon, the dishy former cricketer-turned-financier who dated Middleton in 2011 until the media attention surrounding her bum became too much for him to handle.  Plus, he comes from a proper family, so Christmas would be awesome.

James Matthews, for the simple fact that his fame-seeking brother makes the 38-year-old financier look like a total stud muffin.  Plus he’s dashing.

See also: Bop

JJ Jardine-Paterson, heir to a Hong Kong banking dynasty.  He and Middleton dated during their time at Edinburgh University and now he works for some awesome firm in London.  And he’s dreamy.


Alex Loudon, for obvious reasons.  Yum.


Alexander Spencer-Churchill, because he dated socialite Tara Palmer-Tompkinson, the British equivalent to Paris Hilton who wore a blue lady-bits hat to Will and Kate’s wedding.


George Percy, Earl of Northumberland, because he’ll one day inherit a dukedom title and he seems like a legitimately awesome guy.  Percy and Middleton were flatmates at Edinburgh University, and he hosted the bridesmaid for a Madrid holiday after her sister’s wedding.

Charlie Gilkes, a nightlife entrepreneur who must be spared, if only for his connections.  Plus, he showed up on one of the boats in the Thames River Pageant, so he’s gotta be at least quasi-important, no?