America's Youth Are Snorting Smarties, Which May Lead to Nose Maggots
I bring you ominous news regarding what your children do at school and at their friend's house. You know the one with the absentee parents and the loose older sister? Yeah, that friend. His or her parents are totally letting this happen.
According to E! Online, kids are crushing up Smarties tarts to snort and/or smoke. Even though this isn't a new trend, experts say that it's a really crap idea that can lead to drug use. In addition to forming such a habit, the crushed-up candy can cut the insides of your nose like razor blades, and the leftovers attract maggots.
Maggots reportedly feed off the dust left in your schnoz after you've been all gross, and they lay eggs.
Scarborough Middle School in Maine issued a notice to parents after learning that students were getting jiggy with Smarties. Though it's anyone's guess why these kids huff (no high has been confirmed), the document stated that Smartie Snorting is a "precursor to future cigarette smoking and drug use – although there is no addictive piece to Smarties, the concern is this behavior will lead to cigarette smoking or snorting of drugs."
A Rhode Island school issued a similar warning on January 16th.
Look what you did, youths. You've abused your Smarties privileges and now no one can enjoy them on a wholesome level.