Bradley Cooper Went to the White House Commando

It seems as though John Milton enthusiast Bradley Cooper is not the perfect gentleman he may seem to be. Sure, he still speaks French, but that’s no excuse for going sans sous-vêtements at the White House.

You see, Cooper was recently invited to the White House for a fancy party it was throwing for the French president. But, you see, Cooper was also recently invited to play sniper Chris Kyle in a movie, which requires him to gain weight. So fat Bradley Cooper grabbed his Golden Globes tuxedo and whisked his girlfriend off to Washington for a night of dancing and drinking and carbo loading. But, you see, Cooper realized that his tuxedo pants were too tight. So he opted to not wear any underpants.

Here’s the short version of the story. Bradley Cooper isn’t wearing any underwear in this picture:

Is that really how a gentleman dresses, Gentleman’s Playbook?

But why did Bradley Cooper decide a thin piece of fabric would make all the difference when it came to fitting into a tux? And why does Bradley Cooper gain all his weight in his crotch?

These questions, and more, will be answered on the next edition of Mystery Science Theater 3000.