Martha Stewart’s Sex Tips and 5 Other Things We Learned During Her Reddit AMA

Human shade dispenser and world’s wettest person Martha Stewart settled down in the study of her Connecticut compound yesterday to answer some questions from strangers. Yes, Martha Stewart participated in a Reddit AMA and, as things online are wont to do, things turn a turn for the absurd with Stewart talking dildo maintenance and dispensing sex tips.

These are the Rules According to Martha™ and it’s all the etiquette you’ll ever need. On her main nemesis, truffle oil:

I think truffle oil is one of the few ingredients that doesn’t belong in anyone’s kitchen. It is ruinous of most recipes.

And her sidekick, Snoop Dogg:

I wish I were closer friends with Snoop Dogg.

Of course, Martha also dispensed some sex tips.

Always take a bath before and after.

And when she was asked a follow-up about sex in the bath:

That’s good too, and don’t forget to brush your teeth.

What about prison, Martha? Did you have a nickname?

I think I did, but I can’t remember.

Martha was then asked about the proper way to clean a dildo. The following exchange has since been deleted from the thread, but it’s screencapped over at the Frisky.

Martha: What’s a dildo?

Redditor: Ask Barbara Walters! (It’s a toy used for self pleasure. And you are a MASTER at dodging the question.)

Martha: Barbara and I have better things to talk about.

Redditor: I’m sure you do and I would LOVE to be a fly on the wall. Thanks again about being a good sport about a fellow Barnard alumna carrying your homemaking advice tradition on!

Martha: Congratulations on the success of your book. When I get my first dildo I’ll look up some information.

Martha also revealed herself to be an Ellen Oscar selfie truther:

Oh, by the way, a question of everyone: Do you really believe Ellen took that selfie with her Samsung? Seemed like a lot of people in one little picture from such a short distance!