Report: Orlando Bloom Desperate To Be Inspiration for Taylor Swift’s Next Album

When it comes to defining who’s on the A-list there are some age-old indicators: do teenagers freak out anywhere you go? do magazines write about every throwaway joke you make at a restaurant? And then there are some more modern ways of differentiating A-listers from B-listers: has Taylor Swift written a smash hit based on your ill-fated love affair?

According to the National Enquirer, Orlando Bloom is desperate to go on a date with Taylor Swift. But she’s decidedly not #TeamLegolas.

“‘Orlando has been bombarding Taylor with text messages and phone calls, begging her for a date,’ reveals a pal of Taylor Swift. ‘But she’s been playing hard to get. She’s flattered because she thinks Orlando is so sexy and, in normal circumstances, she would leap at the chance.’

But Taylor is concerned that dating Orlando would destroy her friendships with Selena Gomez and Miranda Kerr, and is worried about being involved in a rebound romance.”

See, apparently Selena Gomez is crushing p hard on Orlando (again, according to the National Enquirer).

“‘She’s looking for a serious relationship. She doesn’t want to be just another notch on his belt. Taylor knows that Selena is nuts about Orlando and wants to have a real relationship with him. Yet all he seems to want to do is ask her about Taylor!'”

Gomez, who is reportedly back together with Justin Bieber, is apparently like that one girl in your friend group who’s already called dibs on like four different wedding color combos. You only get to call dibs on one man, Selena!

Anyway, to complete this MadLibs: Celeb Couple Edition, apparently it’s Ed Sheeran who’s encouraging the match, trying to “play Cupid” for Swift and Bloom. To be young, single, and unfathomably rich…