Orlando Bloom vs. Justin Bieber: Now With More Leonardo DiCaprio!

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By now, you may have heard that everyone’s favorite elf pirate, Orlando Bloom, threw a punch at everyone’s least favorite singer-slash-bucket-urinator, Justin Bieber. But the plot thickens! Anastasia Skolkova, a Spanish model, claims to have witnessed events leading up to the infamous “brawl,” and these events involve everyone’s favorite Oscar-less actor, Leonardo DiCaprio.

Skolkova told The Mirror that she was sitting at a table near DiCaprio, Bloom, and friends at Cipriani in Ibiza. Bieber approached their table. Then, she says:

“Bieber said something to DiCaprio – I don’t know exactly what, because it was seven or eight metres away. Leo brushed his hands at him, like, I don’t care what you say. Yeah, he flicked him away.”

Please relish that imagery! Leonardo f***ing DiCaprio flicked Justin f***ing Bieber away like a fly, like a mosquito, like a peasant begging for more gruel. Things then, as we now know, escalated. Bieber allegedly made an unsavory remark about Bloom’s estranged wife, Miranda Kerr, which caused tempers to flare up. Skolkova continues:

“When Bieber walked maybe 10 metres away, Orlando maybe had half a minute to think about what he was going to do,” continues Ana. “He got up and started running. Then he jumped over the sofa.”


Image Source: TMZ

The rest is, as they say, history. Bloom took a swing at Bieber’s partially-mustachioed face, Bieber lashed out on social media, memes were born, petitions were written, the world rejoiced, and all seemed right, if only for a day or two.

“Everything was quiet and then suddenly, people had cameras out. Then it was like dinner with a show,” Skolkova said. And what a show that would have been! It would make a great movie, in fact. A movie for which DiCaprio would, of course, fail to win an Oscar. The circle of life.