From Lindsay Lohan to Riff Raff, No One is Safe in James Franco’s Cringe-Worthy New Book

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James Franco explains his strange online presence.
Hey, remember bookbooks? Noted erudite and Instagram performance artist James Franco is back with one of those, and it will forever redefine the meaning of “Yale PhD candidate” for you.

Released today, Hollywood Dreaming: Stories, Pictures, and Poems is Franco’s second entry in the memoir field, following last year’s A California Childhood.

According to its official description, this book sounds like the most James Franco thing that James Franco has done so far. Hollywood Dreaming “playfully blur[s] the line between reality and fiction,” to the extent that the actor “becomes a fascinating caricature of himself.”

Intrigued yet? Let’s take a look, shall we?

In the poem “In the Voice of Lindsay Lohan,” Franco pokes fun at LiLo following her sex list scandal (Franco was among the men included on the list, but denied ever having sex with the actress):

“I took James back to the bathroom.”
“You know why Amy put mirrors all around in here?”
“So you can watch yourself f–k”
“He didn’t f–k me, that shit.”

In an ode to his Milk costar Sean Penn, James writes:

“In Milk, you were such/ A fine homo. And when/ You and I kissed/ On Castro Street, it was for a full minute./ Your beard was like my father’s.”

Really didn’t expect that Freudian ending there! You get one point for that plot twist, James.

And finally, in a short story entitled “Dope Boyz,” the 36-year-old describes fellow human caricature Riff Raff as “this jokester-style mutha-funker/ Who raps…In his clownish way, he’s a good rhymer.” If you’ll recall, James sparked some minor beef with the rapper when he co-opted Riff Raff’s image for his character in Spring Breakers.

So, what do you think? Would you pick up a copy of Hollywood Dreaming, or has James Franco taken the joke (“joke” meaning himself, unfortunately) too far? Let us know in the comments below!