The video, should you choose to watch it (though beware that your eyes do not get stuck in the back of your head) is below. Hilton recorded it in response to Lawrence’s Vanity Fair interview, in which she addressed the posting of her nude photos on his site and said, “[Hilton] took it down because people got pissed, and that’s the only reason why… And then I had to watch his apology. And what he basically said was, ‘I just didn’t think about it.’ ‘I just didn’t think about it’ is not an excuse. That is the exact issue itself.”
Lawrence’s rather tame wrist-slap inspired Hilton’s bizarre, rambling response, which is presented in its entirety here:
At five minutes and 35 seconds, it might not be worth your time to watch the whole video, so here are the highlights:
- Hilton begins with the disclaimer that his video is “uncensored, unfiltered, no edits,” which means that, yes, you will have to look at his face for the duration of the video.
- He warns that, if Lawrence is watching (LOL), she should stop.
- Hilton’s point is seemingly that his video apology was “real” and “sincere” and that Lawrence should have accepted it and dealt with the fact that “life isn’t always what you want, and you don’t always get what you ask for.”
- “She may not care, and you may not care.” The only correct thing Hilton says in this video.
- Hilton then spends most of the rest of the video spewing self-help-lite aphorisms, underlining the fact that he has changed over the last 10 years, and that Lawrence should not hold his “past” as a bully against him.
- He later brings up Kim Kardashian, for reasons somewhat unclear (read: views). He apparently tries to make the point that people only care about Lawrence’s outrage because she is “America’s Sweetheart,” while no one cares about the Kardashian leak.
- “Just because I f*cked up in the past, and I f*cked up more than once, and I f*cked up a lot, doesn’t mean that I’m a f*ck-up.” Okay.
- “I’m not trying to be Oprah, I am just a better version of me than I was 10 years ago.” Oh, brother.
- At the 3:50 mark, Hilton can be seen whinging on about Lawrence trying to “keep [him] in the prison that is the past” (what?) before saying: “F*ck you! So actually, this video is for Jennifer Lawrence to say ‘F*ck you!’ And I’m gonna get in trouble for that, but I don’t give a shit.”
- Shortly thereafter, he apologizes to Lawrence again. (Adjust your dosage, man.)
- Let us not forget the part where he compares himself to both Robert Downey, Jr. andAngelina Jolie. Within the span of 10 seconds.
- “I will not be making any more comments about this. OR MAYBE I WILL!”
What a cliffhanger!
Listen up, Mr. Hilton: Lawrence is right. Choosing to post stolen photos of her naked body on your website, which you monetize, is not simply a matter of negligence. It is not akin to leaving the iron on or forgetting to brush your teeth before bed. It was a purposeful, deliberate cash-grab, and one that you’re still attempting to milk. She’s right, you’re wrong, and no amount of Youtube footage will change the outcome of this little drama. Clearly, despite your protestations, you have not changed much in the last 10 years. Bye, Felicia.