Chris Soules ‘The Bachelor’ Recap, Week 5: Sex Gurus, Liars and Panic Attacks, Oh My!

Well, last night’s episode of The Bachelor didn’t lack in the drama department, did it?!

This week Chris Soules decided to take the 11 remaining ladies to Santa Fe, New Mexico (which Megan thought was another country) for some outdoorsy activities that were supposed to give them a bit of a refreshing break from the hustle and bustle of Los Angeles.

However, it seems being in nature only managed to unleash some deep emotions… Out of everyone.

Here are 5 things you missed:

1. The most awkward date ever.  Carly the cruise ship singer gets her first shot at a one-on-one date with Chris and is stoked on it… But the poor girl had no idea what she was about to get into.  Chris had planned for a “love connection guru” to help him see if there could really be something between them.  However, they quickly find out that this woman is more of a sex guru than anything else, forcing them to feel each other up on camera, which was just as uncomfortable to watch play out as it was for them to actually do. But the weirdest moment was when she asked them to breath into one another’s mouth without kissing, and all I could hope was that they both had the opportunity to brush their teeth beforehand.

2. Jordan returns, Ashley I.’s true colors emerge.  For the group date, Chris took the ladies on a white water rafting experience during which Jade fell out and went into a bit of hypothermia… But that wasn’t even the most dramatic part! During the group party afterwards, drunk Jordan — the girl who tried to sloppily make out with Chris on week 2 and was sent home — came BACK, sending the entire group into hysterics. Ashley I. showed her true colors and flipped out, demanding everyone be mean to her.  She completely broke down when Whitney–the only person to  call her out for being mean and standup for Jordan–took home the rose. In the end, Jordan was sent packing yet again.

3. Something is off about Britt, but Chris probably likes her the most. Britt snags the second one-on-one date with Chris, but not without a bit of drama.  The date card reads “the sky’s the limit” and she immediately began sobbing, explaining her fear of heights.  (Interestingly enough, that fear magically disappeared when she was in Chris’ presence). Chris arrived in the morning and surprised her by waking her up in the hotel room at 4 AM.  When the camera pans to Sleeping Beauty Britt, she is in FULL makeup — something that was later explained by Carly who told us the Hollywood waitress puts makeup on before bed every night just in case.  Anyway, Chris takes her on a hot air balloon ride in the morning and then they spent the rest of the afternoon together “napping” in his room… With the doors closed, further proving she’s still one of his top ladies.  This does not bode well amongst the other contestants, especially knowing that Britt doesn’t shower.  They come to the conclusion that Chris likes dirty girls because he’s a farmer.

4. Krazy Kelsey.  So I don’t want to call Kelsey a liar, but after seeing her true colors last week and then her actions this week, something about her whole story isn’t adding up for me.  The guidance counselor was about to get the boot, but before the rose ceremony, she sneaks into Chris’ room to tell him about her husband’s death and being a widow.  While the story is completely tragic, she later describes it as “amazing” and even goes as far as to tell the other girls she’ll be sad to say goodbye to someone because she won’t be the one going home.  It seems like a ploy to keep her spot, which is even more tragic than the story itself.  The girl is insane.

5. No rose ceremony.  After Kelsey tells Chris “her story,” he has a big realization and decides to cancel the cocktail party and leave.  Chris comes in and explains to the women that they’ll be going right into the rose ceremony, causing a lot of tears and anxiety.  In fact, the episode ends with Kelsey having a panic attack and the paramedics calling an ambulance. No cocktail party, no rose ceremony, no nothing…

Until next week, folks!