Cara Delevingne Talks ‘Being in Love’ with Girlfriend Annie Clark
But for real, the Paper Towns star admitted for the first time that she and the musician are indeed a couple, and a total power couple at that.
Gracing the cover of this month’s issue of Vogue, the talented and beautiful model-actress told Rob Haskell, “I think that being in love with my girlfriend is a big part of why I’m feeling so happy with who I am these days. And for those words to come out of my mouth is actually a miracle.”
Delevingne and Clark have reportedly been dating since December 2014.
Furthermore, she talked openly about her sexuality, telling the magazine that as a child she felt confused and frightened by the possibility of being gay.
“It took me a long time to accept the idea, until I first fell in love with a girl at 20 and recognized that I had to accept it. But I have erotic dreams only about men. I had one two nights ago where I went up to a guy in the back of a VW minivan, with a bunch of his friends around him, and pretty much jumped him.”
She also admitted that her aristocratic, socialite parents think girls are just a phase for her, and explained, “Women are what completely inspire me, and they have also been my downfall. I have only been hurt by women, my mother first of all.
“The thing is, if I ever found a guy I could fall in love with, I’d want to marry him and have his children. And that scares me to death because I think I’m a whole bunch of crazy, and I always worry that a guy will walk away once he really, truly knows me.”
The 22-year-old also spoke at length about her struggles with depression and her party girl ways. On drugs, she expressed, “I definitely have that addict gene. For me it comes out in an addiction to work. I’d probably have done more drugs back then if I hadn’t been working like mad.”
As for her childhood and family, Delevingne admitted, “I grew up in the upper class, for sure. My family was kind of about that whole parties–and–horse racing thing. I can understand it’s fun for some. I never enjoyed it.” Haskell notes that her sister Poppy, 29, is a model while Chloe, 30, is a scientist by training who is now raising her children in the countryside. She even opened up on her mother Pandora’s heroin relapse.
“It shapes the childhood of every kid whose parent has an addiction. You grow up too quickly because you’re parenting your parents. My mother’s an amazingly strong person with a huge heart, and I adore her. But it’s not something you get better from, I don’t think. I know there are people who have stopped and are fine now, but not in my circumstance. She’s still struggling.”
Delevingne suffered from dyspraxia (“a problem with coordinating her thoughts and movements”) and detailed her visits with mental health professionals throughout her childhood, admitting she would “screw with” with them in hopes that they’d fire her as a patient. At 15, however, she suffered from a deep depression.
“This is something I haven’t been open about, but it’s a huge part of who I am. All of a sudden I was hit with a massive wave of depression and anxiety and self-hatred, where the feelings were so painful that I would slam my head against a tree to try to knock myself out. I never cut, but I’d scratch myself to the point of bleeding. I just wanted to dematerialize and have someone sweep me away.”
In addition to being prescribed “stronger stuff than Prozac,” she explained “I smoked a lot of pot as a teenager, but I was completely mental with or without drugs.
“I thought that if I wanted to act, I’d need to finish school, but I got so I couldn’t wake up in the morning. The worst thing was that I knew I was a lucky girl, and the fact that you would rather be dead . . . you just feel so guilty for those feelings, and it’s this vicious circle. Like, how dare I feel that way? So you just attack yourself some more.”
At one point, she even considered suicide. “Full-on bubble. I was packing my bags, and suddenly I just wanted to end it. I had a way, and it was right there in front of me. And I was like, I need to decide whether I love myself as much as I love the idea of death.”
Haskell notes “a song started playing on her laptop, Outkast’s ‘SpottieOttieDopaliscious,’ which had been played at the funeral of a friend who had recently died of a heroin overdose.” She added, “It felt like a warning from him. And it made me so furious with myself.”
Delevingne dropped out of school and started on her career as a model, which also proved difficult. It wasn’t until a year after she started modeling and going to castings that she booked her first paying gig, and then fell in with Burberry’s Christopher Bailey.
And the rest is more or less history, and still in the making. Delevingne is an enigmatic force to be reckoned with, and her takeover as a budding actress is both exciting and impressive to see. Acting is, after all, her thing. “The thrill of acting is making a character real. Modeling is the opposite of real. It’s being fake in front of the camera,” she said.
Her next role, set to premiere next summer, is DC’s top-secret Suicide Squad.
Read the entirety of Cara Delevingne’s interview in Vogue here. It’s worth it.