14 Details About Jennifer Aniston’s Wedding to Justin Theroux Courtesy of Howard Stern

Howard Stern’s hair is so big because it’s full of secrets about Jennifer Aniston’s wedding to Justin Theroux.

The radio host opened up to his SiriusXM co-pilot Robin Quivers on August 10 about the Bel Air secretive wedding that involved a Muppets themed cake, an almost-blow job, and a love affair with a Pirates of the Caribbean hunk.

Here are 14 Scoops of Insider Information about the Aniston-Theroux Wedding Courtesy of Howard Stern.

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via Perez Hilton

1. The invitations to the soiree referred to the event as a “birthday party” rather than a wedding.

2. Stern was one of the few insiders aware of the true reasoning for the get-together, but kept the information a secret from everyone including his mother.

3. Stern was given the real details as a result of asked to make a speech, which the regular emcee was “miserable” to do. Despite all qualms, it sounds like Stern did a fine job according to his reports.

“I complimented Justin’s mother on raising such a wonderful son. I love him. I told Jennifer that she deserved a guy like this, because after all, she’s been very sweet and generous with us.”

4. Stern would happily accept a suitor akin for his daughters akin to Theroux, only barring his “sh-tty tattoos” and his interesting illustrations.

“I gave [Theroux] a journal to draw in and he draws pictures of dead zombie babies with blood dripping out their head on every almost page.”

5. The chairs at the wedding were tiny.

“They had these little tiny chairs … like poufs… like little pillow poufs. I’m 6-foot f-cking 5! I’m a grown man!”

6. No cell phones were allowed. This did not please Mr. Stern.

“Why can’t I have my cell phone? I don’t want to take a picture of you two! … I want my cell phone so after I make this speech I can call my car and get the f-ck outta here!”

7. However, famed photographer Terry Richardson was allowed to snap pics.

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via ChicRenegae

8. This no-photo rule is a paradox to how the couple conducts their daily lives.

“I’ve been on vacation with those two, and they take pictures every f-cking minute! They’re constantly shooting pictures. But if I take a picture, I’m committing a sin!”

9. Stern’s man crush on Orlando Bloom > Stern’s man crush on Justin Theroux.

“Justin and his body. His abs, his ass. Look at him. I’m giddy over him! Although Orlando Bloom blows him away”

10. Stern only had a vague conception of what Bloom looked like until they were seated near each other at the wedding.

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via Tumblr

11. He nearly convinced Whitney Cummings to give Bloom a blowjob at the ceremony.

“I said to Bloom at one point, ‘This must be tough for you to be at this wedding. You haven’t gotten laid or gotten a blow job in a half an hour. You must be used to getting f-cked every 15 minutes.’ He said, ‘You know, you’re right.’ So I said to Cummings, ‘Would you take Orlando somewhere and blow him?’ And she said ‘Okay!’ And she lifted up her dress. It was very funny.”

12. Jimmy Kimmel officiated the wedding.

“He did a beautiful job. I didn’t think he’d get through it. Jimmy’s still depressed about that lion getting killed over in Africa.”

13. The couple’s first dance was to a song by Sia.

14. …To which Stern and Bloom also had their first dance as a couple.

“I run to Orlando and say, ‘Orlando, first dance!’ So Orlando grabbed me so tight, I thought my bones were going to break.”

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via The Grammys on Tumblr

Launch the gallery at the top of the page to view photos of Aniston and Theroux boarding a private jet to Bora Bora for their honeymoon!