17 Celebrity Fragrances that Aren’t on the Market, But Probably Should Be
Still, some inhabitants of Hollyweird have not been nibbled the stench bug, leaving their potential fragrances up for debate. Based on real and rumored tabloid events mixed with wishful thinking, the Celebuzz! perfumers have devised a roster of 17 Celebrity Fragrances that Are Not on the Market, But Probably Should Be.
Consecrating your identity as a pop star with too many feelings from that of a hot fictitious inmate is as simple as a spritz of Bieber’s perfume!
Fragrance Notes: Purified tears, bucket urine, Takis, regret
2. Don’t Tell Your Mother by Demi Lovato
Lovatics can rejoice in the fact that their idol did not call one of their comrades fat or flick them in the genitals, basking in this fruity fragrance that will cool you down not only the summer, but forevermore.
Fragrance Notes: Stale dog food, make-up remover, body positivity, Iggy Azalea’s “obesity whispers”
Who said that you need to go back to college in order to smell like a drum circle?
Fragrance Notes: Bong water, cereal milk, day old pizza, a deteriorated Nicholas Sparks novel (Bottle design by Jeremy Scott)
4. Eau Canada by Ryan Gosling
Let the mist of America’s superior neighbor wash over thee like the meditative soundtrack of Drive.
Fragrance Notes: Tattoo ink, The Muppets, Yorkshire pudding, and, well. You know.
6. Le Geuxp by Gwyneth Paltrow
This all-natural, non-GMO, gluten-free fragrance’s only hidden ingredient is a dash of white elitism!
Fragrance Notes: Kale water, mindfulness, colonics, Jennifer Lawrence envy
Your scent may not meet the standards of others, but at least you can say that you tried.
Fragrance Notes: Bowling alley, sharks, peroxide, penetration pie
8. White Diamonds by Taylor Swift
#ScentGoals outweigh #SquadGoals when bad blood with Ian McKellen is all that remains at the end of your world tour.
Fragrance Notes: Extra Virgin Bad Blood, apple (lower-case a), cat hair, Tumblr hearts
May your relevance only be quantified by your degree of pheromonal appeal.
Fragrance Notes: Wilted azaleas, silicone, cat claws, pop tarts
10. Legal Now by Tyga
Test Tyga’s fragrance on sample strips cut from lawsuits that he dodged when Kylie Jenner turned 18!
Fragrance Notes: That new car smell, relief, that old car smell, dick pics, tiger blood
The base notes of Kim’s FDA-approved perfume will only cause mild disillusionment when choosing products to endorse!
Fragrance Notes: Contaminated breast milk, morning sickness, doxylamine succinate and pyridoxine HCI
12. Azucar by Nick Jonas
What separates real men from those who emerge from beginnings as a diabetic Disney star is an irrefutable musk.
Fragrance Notes: Glucose tablets, armpit, promise ring rust, tweenage drool
13. Grandmother Monster by Lady Gaga
You can’t teach an old dog new tricks, but you can invigorate their youth with Gaga’s perfume and a dress made purely of macerated meat.
Fragrance Notes: Tony Bennett’s IV Drip, eczema cream, Ensure, mothballs
14. Nanny Guilt by Ben Affleck
Post-divorce allegations got you stuck in a lumberjack facial hair slump? Reset the palate of your boy-next-door appeal with Affleck’s cologne.
Fragrance Notes: Dog hair, melted iced coffee, Dad bod, beard crumbs
If you could capture the essence of Pinterest in one Mason Jar, it would be Biche Basiqué by Lauren Conrad.
Fragrance Notes: Chambray, Pumpkin Spice, Yoga Bowls, Acaï
It does! Why would anyone ever say anything otherwise? (But Kelly Osbourne still smells like a — COOL IT, GIRLS.)
Fragrance Notes: Patchouli Oil
17. Prosciutto by Chrissy Teigen
Immerse yourself in Chef Teigen’s fragrance like Osso Bucco simmering at low heat for 4 hours in a Dutch oven.
Fragrance Notes: Sriracha, soup, sh-t on toast, pepperthai
**BONUS GIFT: Buy any fragrance and receive a free sample of Oprah’s perfume, BEES!!!!