5 Ways John Legend Should Have Pampered Chrissy Teigen in ‘OK! Magazine’ Fan Fiction

And you call yourself a Legend.

Chrissy Teigen had a laugh on Twitter Tuesday night (Nov. 3) when she stumbled across an exclusive article published by OK! Magazine claiming that hubby John Legend has taken his pampering to a whole new level.

“John is ready to cater to all her wishes,” says OK! “From washing her hair to rubbing her feet!” They write that he painted her toenails over the weekend, took up cooking classes, and helps her with her yoga stretches.

Cool, cool, barring the fact that he apparently didn’t do any of these things.

Not to say that painting your pregnant wife’s toenails is too much to ask, Sir Legend. In fact, there are at least five things that you could have done better to be your best (fictional) father self.

1. You could have made Chrissy the shitty, elementary school chicken sandwich that she was craving.

2. You could have funded her idealized Puddyfingers candy bar.

3. You could have done some investigative journalism on the post-mortem world of loser World Series tee shirts.

4. You could have stood your ground with angry Twitter moms about the whole food-dye-in-cereal thing.

5. You could have filled a bubble bath and lit your pregnant wife’s DAMN CIGAR.