10 Birthday Gifts Kris Jenner Could Use More Than Four Free Blackberry Privs

Is anyone left on BBM anyway?

On this fifth day of November in the year 2015, we celebrate 60 years of reality television’s reigning matriarch, Kris Jenner. If we were of a higher tax bracket, we might have been able to afford a present worthy of her reception like DuJour Media CEO’s gift of the first four Blackberry Privs ever in existence.

Too bad, we’re not. So here are ten items that we would have gifted Ms. Jenner if our invitation to her party hadn’t been lost in the mail.

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CREDIT: Composite: Amazon, Getty Images

1. One Hundred ‘Hello My Name Is’ Name Tags, $4

With six children to tend to, plus their children, plus their dogs, PLUS their sometimes-significant others, there’s bound to be a memory lapse at some point or another. Momager does not have to equal martyr. Label your kin accordingly, Kris.

2. Blackberry Priv Faux Leather Pouch, $10

While this phone case might not have #ProudMama embossed on the surface, you’re going to need some protection for your exclusive new Blackberry Priv when it arrives courtesy of Jason Binn.

3. Sea-Band Sea Sickness Bracelet, $6

A #ProudMama watches all of her daughter’s Snapchat stories from start to finish. That said, this sea sickness bracelet might come in handy after watching Kylie Jenner spin in circles for an hour as she gets ready to hit the gym.

4. Adult Coloring Book: Stress Relieving Animal Designs, $10

Hey, Kris. To say that it’s been ‘a year’ would be a sore understatement considering the infinite avalanche of events that has fallen upon your family in the last month alone. Indulge in the stress-busting benefits of adult coloring books by taking a pack of Crayola crayons to the face of a friendly face of a lion.

5. “Strong Looks Better Naked”, Hardcover, $18

You probably already have a closetful, but Khloé could use a mood boost.

6. Brica By-My-Side Safety Harness Backpack, $15

A child leash could come in handy for Kanye West when he starts to get restless.

7. Portable Storage Organizer Wardrobe Closet & Shoe Rack, $35

Storage for your new digs from Yeezy Season 1 and the upcoming Balmain x H&M collection, plus room for Kylie’s extension hangers.

8. “The Mean Mom’s Guide to Raising Great Kids”, $14

Not to say that you haven’t done a great job, but a little literature to brush up on your skillz never hurt.

9. Star Wars Sphero BB-8 App-Enabled Droid, $150

We caught you upping the ante on your Star Wars game. Kick it up a notch! You have nothing to lose–The Force is already with you.

10. MG Décor Madhu’s Collection Nose Eyeglass Holder, $7

Granted, this is a stretch for your aesthetic, but imagine how cool your glasses that look similar to those of the old man from the movie Up would look dangling on this wooden guy’s nose!

BONUS ITEM: 8-Pack Travel Size Hand Sanitizer, $11, re:

#amen

A photo posted by @krisjenner on