Gwyneth Paltrow Asks Critics of Goop Who Want to ‘F*ck With’ Her to Bring Their ‘A-Game’
Dear Gwyneth Paltrow,
In light of your recent Glamour interview, in which you asked critics of goop to “bring your A-game” if we wanted to “fuck with” you, rather than wave our white flag and be manipulated into thinking that goop isn’t in fact “so expensive” due to “the range of price points” goop has to offer, we’re gonna accept your challenge instead.
Paltrow’s exact quote, in an attempt to *drop the mic* on The Critics, was:
Sometimes I’ll get annoyed if someone’s like, ‘Goop is so expensive.’ I’m like, ‘Have you looked at the website? Have you seen the range of price points? ’Cause we sell things that are $8. If you want to fuck with me, bring your A-game. At least have all your information.’
Why’d you have to go and tempt us to “fuck with” you, Gwyneth? Because you asked for it, here we are, bringing our A-game, all of our information in tow. Here we’ll show that actually, goop is luxe and high-end (i.e. “expensive”). Furthermore, by not admitting it as such is counterproductive for goop’s #Brand.
First of all, by definition a “range” is a set of data that includes the highest and lowest possible amounts. Paltrow accurately claims goop sells products for $8. In fact, the lowest price point goop offers is $4, but she nevertheless commit a fallacy in her argument by neglecting to offer up the highest price point(s), too. We’ll get to those numbers in a moment.
Here’s one (of two – and only two) of the products goop offers for $4.
Here’s the second product goop offers for $4.
Clearly, both of those $4 products are lip balms. Pricey (overpriced? Meh.) lip balms at that, but pricey beauty products are not the only issue at hand. Paltrow’s only reason for mentioning “$8″ at all is to point out goop’s so-called “range of price points,” and as previously explained, there is no “range” without both the highest and the lowest values of the set.
(Other lower-end goop products include: $18 Naja cheeky knickers, $42 Soludos Espadrilles; $18 Hoppin’ Fresh deodorant; $70 Hyacinth Candle; $75 Olivia von Halle Eyemask; $55 Coco de Mer Blindfold (’tis the season, for Valentine’s Day).)
Without further ado…
These Are Some of the Most (Ridiculously) Expensive Products That Are Sold on Goop:
$1,295 18KT gold pinky ring:
$295 goop cookbook set:
$1,173 faux fur Stella McCartney coat (on sale):
$750 knife set:
When it comes to goop’s mid-range prices, they’re more or less fair if you’re the type willing to shell out money with no budget in mind. For example, beauty products are mostly all for sale under $100, while things like handbags are sold for a couple hundred to upwards of $1,000 – or more. Goop’s Home category is kind of extravagant because it’s all super trendy, especially in light of the fact that Martha Stewart is not above selling her collection at Macy’s. As for shoes, they’re all designer and thus going for a couple hundred of dollars. In addition, because all her clothing is also designer, Goop’s sale section does offer up some real bargains, that is, if you’re into that goop-y style (and can afford it). All in all, you
All in all, you can shop at goop for under $100, you’ve just got a lot of other stuff to ignore.
Gwyneth’s marketing tactic by defensively telling everyone that goop isn’t expensive because they sell (very few) things for $8, and then threatening “If you want to fuck with me, bring your A-game,” does not a successful marketing tactic make. (Or maybe she wasn’t trying to convince anyone anything at all…).
But you know what might work better? Being straight up about goop’s diverse range of products and prices. Because when it turns out you’re toting $8 products in an attempt to rationalize a “range of price points,” when low-ish prices are clearly the exception to the norm, you just look silly.
In our attempt to show you goop’s so-called “range,” all we know is that we ended up comparing apples ($4 lip balms) to oranges (18KT gold pinky rings for $1,295). The range isn’t negligible, but it’s not great, either. At least you know that goop has high standards for quality, I guess. Ultimately, it’s easier for us to say there are a lot of products under $500 – that’s the magic number. As a lifestyle brand, just the way goop rolls.
We’ve all accepted that goop’s marketplace is a high-end, uniquely curated online shop full of absurd but amazing products. So why can’t Gwyneth?