10 Things Your Fave Could Never Do
You know you that bitch when you cause all this conversation…
1. Stop space and time.
On December 13th, 2013, without warning, Beyonce dropped “Beyonce,” arguably the best album of her career. Beyonce literally stopped time, as no one, anywhere was prepared for the level of slayage she was determined to deliver. Like many iconic moments before it, everyone will remember where they were when they heard Beyonce dropped a new album (In my living room working from home on a snow day, for those of you wondering).
2. Snatch the wig’s of the entire black community.
As everyone patiently waited for BeyBowl (see #3), wondering how exactly she planning on snatching our wigs this time, Beyonce did something no one saw coming.
3. Make the Super Bowl’s headliner irrelevant.
Oh, Coldplay. You tried. The British rock band was given the honor of performing at the 50th Super Bowl halftime show, in what would inevitably be an iconic performance. Unfortunately for them, literally no one remembers they were even there. They made the cardinal mistake of inviting Queen Bey to perform with them. She didn’t even sing all of “Formation” and she still managed to steal the entire show. No one can upstage the Queen. Next time Coldplay.
4. Defy gravity.
During what is now being remembered as BeyBowl, Beyonce may or may not have missed a step causing her to falter for .04 seconds. But because Beyonce is well Beyonce, the misstep that would have caused even the most seasoned performers to completely wipe out, ending up just being a transition into a gravity-defying moment now being called the BeyBounce.
5. Make being vegan cool.
As a former vegan, it’s safe for me to say, nothing is more annoying than hearing a vegan talk about being vegan. We get it, you don’t eat meat, your life is so clean and healthy and vegetables have protein! But when Beyonce and Jay Z announced they were going on a plant based diet for 22 days, the price of meat hit rock bottom. Ok, so I don’t have any statistics to actually back that up, but they literally made being vegan cool. Now when you give up meat for a month you’re just channeling the queen, nothing more nothing less.
6. Own an emoji.
Yes, Kim Kardashian created her own line of emoji’s, but that’s only because the original set didn’t have an emoji to represent her. Beyonce doesn’t need a set of emoji’s because the very first ones were created with her in mind. Everyone knows the bee, is the official emblem of the BeyHive. 🐝
7. Create a new word.
Bootylicious is officially in the dictionary.
9. Have the First lady of the United States fangirl over you.
Beyonce has legions of famous fans, but none of them may be as famous is the First Lady of the United States, Michelle Obama.
10. Save Red Lobster from the brink of bankruptcy.
Before “Formation” dropped, Red Lobster had seen better days. Between closing locations and even being accused of using fake lobster, it seemed like only a matter of time before everyone’s favorite seafood chain met its demise. But just days after the Queen declared, “When he fuck me good I take his ass to Reb Lobster,” the restaurant’s sales skyrocketed 33%!