WATCH: Ronda Rousey Reveals She Thought About Killing Herself

Things got very dark for the fighter.

Everyone was shocked when the then-undefeated Ronda Rousey lost to Holly Holm in a crushing defeat, but no one was more shocked than Rousey herself. In her first sit-down interview since the fight, the UFC fighter explained to Ellen Degeneres exactly what was going through her mind during and after the fight.

“It’s always crazy going into every fight. Always so much chaos. Always things going on. Things weren’t perfect they never are,” Rousey explained. “I think the one thing was different. It was my third title fight in nine months and I don’t think anyone has ever attempted that before.” The fighter then went on to explain how Holm actually defeated her, “In that first hit I cut open my whole mouth and I knocked my teeth loose.”

“It was weird I had no perception of like I felt like almost like I couldn’t see I could see, but I couldn’t tell how far my hand was from my face. Or how far she was from me. When you sit and you’re not moving and you’re still not aware of where your body is.”

But Rousey’s darkest moment came right after she’d officially lost the fight. “Honestly, my thought I was like, in the medical room and I was down in the corner. I was sitting in the corner like. What am I anymore if I’m not this? And I was literally sitting there and thinking about killing myself and that exact second I’m like I’m nothing, what do I do anymore and no one gives a shit about me anymore without this.”

Launch the video up top to watch the entire clip and find out who gave Rousey hope to keep going.