The Britney Spears Guide to Life, Chapter Two: Invisible Boyfriends Are the Best Kind of Boyfriends

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CREDIT: Getty Images, GIF Animation by Mia Lardiere

Britney say: “Romantic counterparts are neither better seen nor heard.”

Welcome back to The Britney Spears Guide to Life, an anthology on discovering your best post-2007 self. based on teachings from the Instagram account of the millennium’s most inspiring pop goddess. Last week we learned about the benefits of tea when consumed in quantities large enough to sustain an entire team of horses, and how not to take a mug shot, which is NOT equivocal to mugshot*

(*Spears has never been arrested because she is most likely immortal.)

This week in chapter two, we dive into a quote that Spears posted in the thick of a meme spree on the day after Valentine’s Day, Monday, Feb. 15.


Let me color your memory with a few of Ms. Spears’ former romantic partners prior to Kevin Federline.

There was once a boy bander.

A less-traditional boy bander.

And a disappearing magician.


Now, the independent Spears alleges that she prefers her men to be but air particles.


Indeed, partners of the mythological nature are the most handsome in both body and spirit because they will never judge you for lip syncing on their side of the bed.

Had to laugh because this is totally me from time to time!!! #mood A video posted by Britney Spears (@britneyspears) on


They will never chide you for dreaming of what life would be like in a faraway Mystery Babylon.

Mystery Babylon

A photo posted by Britney Spears (@britneyspears) on


They might, however, scare the sh*t out of you when they bring a glass of wine to accompany your bubble bath because they were supposed to be invisible.


TODAY’S MEDITATION: Love is but an illusion and sh*t.

Check back next Wednesday for Chapter Three of The Britney Spears Guide to Life, and follow@britneyspears on Instagram for further reading.