John Stamos Names His Signature Sex Move and Leaves the Rest up For Interpretation

Alt title: The “Fage Total Split”.

Elusive sex god John Stamos revealed the name of his bedroom move that sounds more complicated than any diagram you’ve ever encountered in Cosmo. The hosts of KIIS 106.5’s The Kyle and Jackie O Show questioned whether Stamos had any “little tricks as a lover”, to which Stamos introduced “The Stamos Straddler.”

“I do that sometimes,” said Uncle Jesse, before noting that cuddling is his strong suit. “That’s where I really excel.”