6 Five-Word Acceptance Speeches for Kim Kardashian to Use at the Webby Awards

Because “Keep up with the Kardashians” would be all too predictable.

Tonight, Kim Kardashian will accept the first-ever Break the Internet Award at the 2016 Webby Awards “in recognition of her unprecedented success online and the bold and creative ways she has used the Internet, social media, apps and video to connect with a truly global audience.” In sum, it’s like winning the internet’s Nobel Peace Prize except with more overt undertones of vanity.

Honorees at the Webby Awards are limited to five-word speeches as to cater to the attention spans of the demographic audience, which has yielded results that range from inspiring to anti-Internet. Kardashian — as a viral celebrity — should aim for an address that encompasses the bravado of the former and the antithesis of the latter, which is why we have six suggestions for her to use this evening.

Watch the Webbys tomorrow (May 17) on WebbyAwards.com to see if any of these speeches make their way onto the stage.

1. The Contractual Duties

CREDIT: Getty Images

2. The Humble Approach

CREDIT: Instagram/Kim Kardashian

3. The Mariah Carey-Style Shade

CREDIT: Twitter/Bette Midler

4. The Promotion of Our Rob Kardashian x Blac Chyna Couple Name

Blac Chyna Birthday Celebration And Unveiling Of Her
CREDIT: Getty Images

5. The Ghost Author Mention

CREDIT: Twitter/Kanye West

6. The Call to Salad-bration