Lauren Conrad Explains Why It’s ‘Hard’ for Her to Watch ‘The Hills’ Again

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It’s been 10 years since The Hills premiered on MTV and its star, Lauren Conrad, is finally ready to revisit all of its drama.

The former reality star hosts the new special, The Hills: That Was Then, This Is Now, and explains just what it took to create — remember, it wasn’t actually real — a show filled with feuds, fights, and mascara-stained teardrops.

“This special is sort of taking a look at what things are like now and looking back at how they were then,” Conrad, 30, says in a press preview for the special. “[We’re] telling a story that hasn’t really been told before.”

“The fun thing about this special is that we actually get to talk to some people that worked behind the camera and they’re front of the camera this time, which is really fun for me,” she adds.

According to Conrad, who is now happily married to former Something Corporate guitarist William Tell, it’s “really hard” to re-watch footage of her filmed during the early 2000s.

“It’s really hard for me to see clips from back then because just everything from hair to makeup and clothes… it was just a hot mess most of the time,” she explains, laughing. “It’s pretty hard for me to see.”

The special, which will feature Conrad looking back at her first years in Los Angeles and the relationships she’s formed — and left — since then, is slated to air August 2 at 9 PM ET/PT.