Caitlyn Jenner Recalls the Time She Contemplated Suicide
Caitlyn Jenner admitted she had once thought of committing suicide rather than deal with the media maelstrom that would inevitably revolve around her transition.
Appearing on HBO’s Any Given Wednesday, Jenner opened up to host Bill Simmons about the time a paparazzo took of photo of her — before her transition from Bruce Jenner — as she was leaving a doctor’s office after having cosmetic surgery on her Adam’s Apple.
“I could not sleep that night. I’m up at 3 a.m. walking up and down my hallway, thinking, ‘Damn, all this shit is going to come out tomorrow and it’s going to be horrible,” she told Simmons. “And I said, ‘You know what? Easy way. Go in the other room. You got a gun. Let’s just end it right here.'”
Jenner added, “That’s, like, the easy way out. No more pain, no more nothing. I don’t have to deal with the tabloids any longer. I don’t have to deal with any of this. And that was probably the lowest I’ve ever gotten.”
Thankfully, Jenner realized in the morning what a mistake that would be. She remembered, “I thought, ‘What a terrible way to end your life’s story!’ I don’t want my story to end that way, on a negative note. That was the beginning of me turning my thinking around to say, ‘OK, I think I can do this.'”
According to Jenner, she’s now enjoying the “best of my life.” She said, “I have never been happier, more at ease with myself. I got my mojo back.”
Watch the whole interview — below.