Adele Reveals She Had ‘Really Bad’ Postpartum Depression After Welcoming Son Angelo

Adele opens up about her darker times. In her latest profile with Vanity Fair, the “Hello” singer, who graces the cover of the publication’s December 2016 issue, reveals that she suffered a “really bad” bout of depression after giving birth to her son, Angelo.

When asked if she wants to give her four-year-old a younger sibling, Adele admits she’s “too scared” after experiencing postpartum depression.

“I had really bad postpartum depression after I had my son, and it frightened me,” she said, explaining that she also didn’t take any medication for her condition. “I didn’t talk to anyone about it. I was very reluctant … My boyfriend said I should talk to other women who were pregnant, and I said, ‘Fuck that, I ain’t hanging around with a fuckin’ bunch of mothers.’ Then, without realizing it, I was gravitating towards pregnant women and other women with children, because I found they’re a bit more patient.”

“My friends who didn’t have kids would get annoyed with me,” she continues, “whereas I knew I could just sit there and chat absolute mush with my friends who had children, and we wouldn’t judge each other. One day I said to a friend, ‘I fuckin’ hate this,’ and she just burst into tears and said, ‘I fuckin’ hate this, too.’ And it was done. It lifted.”

“My knowledge of postpartum—or post-natal, as we call it in England—is that you don’t want to be with your child; you’re worried you might hurt your child; you’re worried you weren’t doing a good job. But I was obsessed with my child. I felt very inadequate; I felt like I’d made the worst decision of my life,” she adds. “It can come in many different forms … Four of my friends felt the same way I did, and everyone was too embarrassed to talk about it; they thought everyone would think they were a bad mom, and it’s not the case.”

Adele continues, “I’m very available to depression. I can slip in and out of it quite easily. It started when my granddad died, when I was about 10, and while I never had a suicidal thought, I have been in therapy, lots. But I haven’t had that feeling since I had my son and snapped out of my postpartum depression.”

For Adele, who welcomed her son with boyfriend Simon Konecki in 2012, her family’s welfare is top priority. Though she admittedly enjoys making music and touring, she’d gladly give all that up if it ever gets in the way of her relationship with her boyfriend — who she’s content with not marrying as she believes having a child together is a far bigger commitment — and son.

“My entire life revolves around my child, so everything is timed, because he’s on a routine,” she reveals. “All of my relationships are more important to me than any tour I’ll ever do. If my relationship with Simon or my relationship with Angelo started to flounder a bit now, I would pull out of my tour. My life is more important to me than anything I’m doing because how the fuck am I supposed to write a record if I don’t have a life? If I don’t have a real life, then it’s game over anyway.”

“I have no desire to be with anyone in show business, because we all have egos. He’s not threatened by any stage of my life that I’m going for, and that’s an amazing thing. It’s the most serious relationship I’ve ever been in; we’ve got a child together and we live together,” she says of Konecki, who is 14 years older than Adele and works for a non-profit organization. “When I try to describe this to my friends they don’t always get it, because they go out with people that are our age, but Simon is already who he is, and I’m still becoming who I’m going to be. He’s confident. He’s perfect.”

According to Adele, she’s also started to be concerned about her own health since becoming a mother. Once a self-professed heavy chain-smoker and “massive drinker,” the 28-year-old says she now tones it down — having just two glasses of wine a week — because she wants “want to be around for my kid.”

“I’m very cautious, whereas I was never cautious before. I would never have done anything before that would make me die, but now I go out of my way to avoid anything that is remotely dangerous—like walking along a sidewalk,” she confesses. “Also, I don’t go out as much as I used to. I go to very civilized dinners, and I’ll go to work things when I have to, but you have to literally drag me onto a fuckin’ red carpet.”