Pop Stars and Flop Stars: Rae Sremmurd Saves Us from The Chainsmokers, America F***s Up

Previously On...
We get the America we deserve.

Climb to the top of the pops and dive deep down into the depths with the flops in our new, improved edition of Pop Power Ranking (now called Pop Stars and Flop Stars).

Welcome back to Pop Stars and Flop Stars, which, as I explained earlier, is a revitalized (and shortened) restructuring of the feature formerly called Pop Power Ranking. Here’s the drill: each week, I’ll name a Pop Star — someone who secured the lion’s share of No. 1s, trophies, and/or other cultural gold stars (both tangible and intangible) — and one Flop Star who… well, you get the idea. And that’s about all there is to say. Let’s get into it.

This Week’s Pop Stars: Rae Sremmurd

Ding dong, the douchebros are dead! Rae Sremmurd’s “Black Beatles,” which features Gucci Mane, dethrones The Chainsmokers’ “Closer,” which features Halsey, on the Hot 100. “Closer” logged 12 weeks at No. 1, and people were starting to worry it would break the 16-week record held by Mariah Carey and Boyz II Men’s “One Sweet Day.” Praise the pop gods that didn’t happen. (Side note: For all of their success on the Hot 100 this year, The Chainsmokers’ Collage EP, which features all of their big songs, could only manage a No. 6 debut on the Album 200, which doesn’t exactly scream The Biggest Band in America.) So congratulations, Rae Sremmurd, but more importantly: THANK YOU!

Runners Up:

 

This Week’s Flop Stars: America (Again, and For Real This Time)

When I wrote this last week, I couldn’t have known what was about to happen that very night. One week later, and we are now living in Donald Trump’s America. Country of my birth, you done f***ed up. We deserve The Chainsmokers. We deserve even worse. We deserve… a Hootie and the Blowfish reunion. (NO! I TAKE IT BACK!) How could you, America? How f***ing could you?