Gwyneth Paltrow Wants You to Buy a Sex Club Membership This Christmas

Another year, another gift guide in which Gwyneth Paltrow recommends that you spend thousands on dollars on bougie nonsense that you don’t really need.

As with every year, the 2016 Goop gift guide is filled with items that us regular folk can never really afford. This year’s recommendations include custom-made necklace pendants of your pets for $6,850, a $1,500 rowing machine, a writer’s retreat to Iceland for $2,583, a monogrammed Burberry trench coat for $1,695, and a $8,300 yurt — because tents for your next Coachella camping excursion are so passé.

However, the most eyebrow-raising item on her list has to be a membership to Snctm, an ultra-exclusive sex club in Los Angeles that maintains an upscale sexy dress code at every monthly event. Though Paltrow lists its cost as “price upon request,” a Goop blog about the “exotic theater”-slash-sex party has membership ranging somewhere in the $10,000 to $50,000 ballpark. (GP also fails to mention that you actually need to know an existing Sntcm member and have them vouch for you in your application during their screening process.)

If you’re not into paying a buttload of cash to live out your Eyes Wide Shut fantasy, Paltrow and her goop also has the following listed as great—and by great, we mean ridiculously priced—gifts for the holidays:

  • Nipple pasties for $165
  • Shower cap for $43
  • Box of oranges and grapefruits for $52.95
  • Cashmere blanket for $995
  • Menorah for $2,500
  • Leather bike for $2,995
  • Neck pillow for $220
  • Lighter and ashtray set for $1,250
  • Baby crib for $1,160
  • Stress ball for $42

 

And yet Paltrow somehow believes she’s “incredibly close to the common woman.”