Chrissy Teigen Reveals She Has Postpartum Depression

To an outsider, Chrissy Teigen has perfect life. However, for the model, it’s been a rough few months.

In her cover story with Glamour, the 31-year-old opens up about her postpartum depression in a candid confession. Penning a lengthy essay for the publication, Teigen reflects on her mental health since welcoming her daughter, Luna, with John Legend last year.

“I was different than before. Getting out of bed to get to set on time was painful. My lower back throbbed; my ­shoulders—even my wrists—hurt. I didn’t have an appetite. I would go two days without a bite of food, and you know how big of a deal food is for me. One thing that really got me was just how short I was with people,” she recalls. “I couldn’t figure out why I was so unhappy. I blamed it on being tired and possibly growing out of the role: ‘Maybe I’m just not a goofy person anymore. Maybe I’m just supposed to be a mom.'”

“Most days were spent on the exact same spot on the couch and rarely would I muster up the energy to make it upstairs for bed. John would sleep on the couch with me, sometimes four nights in a row,” she shares. “There was a lot of spontaneous crying.”

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CREDIT: Miguel Reveriego

Teigen says she didn’t realize she was suffering from postpartum depression until she visited a doctor last December. After describing her symptoms, she was told she was suffering from the postnatal disorder.

“John sat next to me. I looked at my doctor, and my eyes welled up because I was so tired of being in pain. Of sleeping on the couch. Of waking up throughout the night. Of throwing up. Of taking things out on the wrong people. Of not enjoying life. Of not seeing my friends. Of not having the energy to take my baby for a stroll,” she remembers. “I got my diagnosis: postpartum depression and anxiety. (The anxiety explains some of my physical symptoms.)”

“I remember being so exhausted but happy to know that we could finally get on the path of getting better. John had that same excitement,” she continues. “I started taking an antidepressant, which helped. And I started sharing the news with friends and family—I felt like everyone deserved an explanation, and I didn’t know how else to say it other than the only way I know: just saying it. It got easier and easier to say it aloud every time.”

According to Teigen, it has taken a while for her to go public with her depression because she “didn’t think it could happen to me.”

“I have a great life. I have all the help I could need: John, my mother (who lives with us), a nanny. But postpartum does not discriminate. I couldn’t control it. And that’s part of the reason it took me so long to speak up: I felt selfish, icky, and weird saying aloud that I’m struggling. Sometimes I still do,” she admits. “I’m speaking up now because I want people to know it can happen to anybody and I don’t want people who have it to feel embarrassed or to feel alone.”

Now taking antidepressants and seeking professional help, the mom-of-one believes she’s “a much different human” than she was a littler under a year ago.

Like anyone, with PPD or without, I have really good days and bad days. I will say, though, right now, all of the really bad days—the days that used to be all my days—are gone,” she explains. “There are weeks when I still don’t leave the house for days; then I’m randomly at the Super Bowl or Grammys. This is cringeworthily unrelatable, and I am very aware of that—it’s giving me anxiety.)”

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CREDIT: Miguel Reveriego

“I look around every day and I don’t know how people do it. I’ve never had more respect for mothers, especially mothers with postpartum depression,” Teigen notes. “I’m grateful for the people around me. John has been incredible over the last nine months, bringing me my medicine and watching horrible reality TV with me. He is not the goofiest guy, but he has gone out of his way to indulge my sense of humor.”

With a strong support system around her, Teigen adds that her depression hasn’t changed her plans to expand her family. She writes, “I love John and Luna more than I can imagine loving anything, and John and I still hope to give Luna a few siblings. Postpartum hasn’t changed that.”