Gabourey Sidibe Didn’t Get Weight-Loss Surgery to Be Beautiful: ‘There Is Nothing Ugly About Me’

American Horror Story actress Gabourey Sidibe is ready to open up about her uphill battle with body image after she underwent laparoscopic bariatric surgery last year.

In her forthcoming memoir, This Is Just My Face: Try Not to StareSidibe recounts how she overcame depression, anxiety, and bulimia through therapy after she rose to fame in her leading role in Precious in 2009. Sidibe says that she chose to go through with weight-loss surgery when the surgeon told her that it would limit her hunger, change her brain chemistry, and encourage her to make healthier food choices.

“My lifelong relationship with food had to change,” Sidibe writes in the memoir.

“The surgery wasn’t the easy way out,” she argues. “I wasn’t cheating by getting it done. I wouldn’t have been able to lose as much as I’ve lost without it.”

The actress says that it took her “years” to achieve a healthy outlook on the body that she was given.

“I did not get this surgery to be beautiful,” she writes. “I did it so I can walk around comfortably in heels. I want to do a cartwheel. I want not to be in pain every time I walk up a flight of stairs.”

“I know I’m beautiful in my current face and my current body. What I don’t know about is the next body,” she continues in her memoir, which is due out in May“I admit it, I hope to God I don’t get skinny. If I could lose enough to just be a little chubby, I’ll be over the moon! Will I still be beautiful then? S—. Probably. My beauty doesn’t come from a mirror. It never will.”

Her confidence is contagious as she writes about who she is from a place of acceptance.

“There’s nothing ugly about me. Anyone trying to convince me that I am — and it’s usually me — is wasting her time,” says Sidibe. “I was in a war with my body for a long time. If I’d started treating it better sooner, I wouldn’t have spent so many years hating myself. But I love my body now.”

Pre-order This Is Just My Face: Try Not to Stare through Amazon before it hits bookshelves on May. 1.

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CREDIT: Houghton Mifflin Harcourt