Selena Gomez Explains Why She Needed to Go to Rehab
Last summer, Selena Gomez canceled more than 30 dates on her Revival Tour to seek treatment for her struggles with anxiety, panic attacks and depression stemming from her battle with Lupus. Now, she’s finally ready to explain why she chose to check into rehab.
In the her latest cover story for Vogue, the “It Ain’t Me” singer opens up about her mental health. Getting candid about her personal life, she reveals that — despite her legions of fans and having the most-followed account on Instagram — her “self-esteem was shot” last year.
“Tours are a really lonely place for me,” she shares. “I was depressed, anxious. I started to have panic attacks right before getting onstage, or right after leaving the stage. Basically I felt I wasn’t good enough, wasn’t capable. I felt I wasn’t giving my fans anything, and they could see it—which, I think, was a complete distortion.”
“At concerts I used to make the entire crowd raise up their pinkies and make a pinky promise never to allow anybody to make them feel that they weren’t good enough. Suddenly I have kids smoking and drinking at my shows, people in their 20s, 30s, and I’m looking into their eyes, and I don’t know what to say. I couldn’t say, ‘Everybody, let’s pinky-promise that you’re beautiful!’ It doesn’t work that way, and I know it because I’m dealing with the same sh*t they’re dealing with,” she continues, “What I wanted to say is that life is so stressful, and I get the desire to just escape it. But I wasn’t figuring my own stuff out, so I felt I had no wisdom to share. And so maybe I thought everybody out there was thinking, This is a waste of time.”
In August 2016, Gomez announced she was taking a hiatus to focus on her well-being. Soon after shuttering her tour, the 24-year-old admitted herself into a treatment facility outside of Nashville — where she gave up social media, surrendered her phone and underwent individual, group and equine therapy for 90 days.
These days, the former Disney Channel star continues to lay low, living out of an Airbnb somewhere in the Valley outside of Los Angeles.
“I think seventeen people have my phone number right now,” she admits. “Maybe two are famous.”
In fact, Gomez has even deleted Instagram off her phone. Though she’s still the most-followed person on the photo-sharing platform, she’s handed over the reigns to her assistant, who is the only person who knows the password to the account.
“As soon as I became the most followed person on Instagram, I sort of freaked out,” she admits. “It had become so consuming to me. It’s what I woke up to and went to sleep to. I was an addict, and it felt like I was seeing things I didn’t want to see, like it was putting things in my head that I didn’t want to care about. I always end up feeling like sh*t when I look at Instagram. Which is why I’m kind of under the radar, ghosting it a bit.”
As for her budding romance with The Weeknd, Gomez shares that she’s learning from her past relationships and keeping her mouth shut about her current boyfriend. She says, “Look, I love what I do, and I’m aware of how lucky I am, but—how can I say this without sounding weird? I just really can’t wait for people to forget about me.”