Carrie Underwood and Taylor Swift Are CMA-Worthy
Sep 10, 2008 at 11:09am
Saddle up; the nominees for this year’s Country Music Awards have been announced, and Carrie Underwood and Taylor Swift are at the front of the list.
Bad breaker-upper Underwood garnered an Album of the Year nod for Carnival Ride, while virgin lover Swift is going against Carrie for Female Vocalist of the Year. (Is a televised cat fight too much to hope for?)
Notably absent from the list: Underwood arch-nemesis and recent country convert Jessica Simpson. Which is kind of puzzling. In a completely predictable way.
Dear Santa Clause,
I know that I’m going to see you in person at the Macy’s on Crenshaw some time after Thanksgiving, but I wanted to go ahead and put in a request for a gift for a “special” person right now. I say special, because I do believe with those squinty eyes, bow legs, and dumb laugh, that she is retarded. Anyway, Santa, she may have illustrious blonde locks, but that doesn’t distract anyone from the real problem: her lack of an extensive vocabulary, or better yet – synonyms. You see, Santa, she only knows one descriptive word: AMAZING. Sometimes for her it is interchangeable with AWESOME, but either way, she can’t seem to think of any other word to describe something important, like say, some douche-bag”s outfit.
Therefore, at the top of my Christmas list is a bright shiny yellow thesaurus for Ms. Taylor Swift. It could be hard back or paper back. Just as long as it’s pocket-sized, so she can take it along with her when she’s hosting shows or interviewing people. Yes, I understand the interview may take a few moments longer, but if it spares me from hearing her say “your outfit is amazing,” one more time, then I will not need to slit my wrists with a protractor.
Thank you!
And by the way, thank you again for letting me sit on your lap for so long last year to tell you EVERYTHING I wanted. I know I get squirmy and can’t stop moving, but that’s just because I’m so excited to see you!
:)
Love,
The Offman