Guy Ritchie

That title of Mr Guy Ritchie's new featcha. Means geeza. Or mobsta. Top bruisa. In his London manna. Sad to say, the film's a shocka. A right depressa. Bit of a dispirita. For this directa, it ain't exactly a departcha. And the title means as well as everything else Mr Ritchie's become a dodgy spella. What a dismaying orthographical decline since his last pictcha. Which we must now think of as Revolva. This was influenced by the belief system known as Kabbala. Rememba? Espoused by his spouse, whose name may originally have been spelt "Madonner".

Howeva. This one does not have Danny Dya. That really would have been a killa. But it has got Tom Wilkinson (what a troopa), Gerard Butla and many an acta who learned to speak cockney at Rada.

It's got Thandie Newton, playing someone name-a Stella. She's just a stunna in designa clobba. And for the filmgoa who recalls her in Flirting, this is a bit of a choka. (I think she deserves betta.) And it's got Toby Kebbell, who once played the managa of that northern pop whingea who just felt sadda and sadda and finally came a fatal and tragically self-inflicted croppa.


All of these thesps pretend to be well harda than anyone else, in scenes that get shorta and shorta, accompanied by a well irritating mockney voiceova. Each playa's got his shoota. Each of them gets a silly monika, like "One Two" or "Mumbles". Sometimes they wear hats or caps - but a titfa is no substitute for a propa characta. There's a violent Russian monsta who appears to be a football club proprieta, which may trigga anga in a certain real life fella from Russia who will holla for his lawya. (I've seen subtla.) Guy Ritchie, who is also the writa, moreova has someone saying that London property prices are going to go up and up for eva and eva, which isn't exactly cleva, given the current financial weatha.

As so often in the oeuvra of the film's creata, each cipha sounds like he's a Groucho Club memba, a haunta of that exclusive London booza which contains many a bourgwa meeja wanka who thinks he's a West Ham supporta after a night on the powda. I mean, Mr Ritchie: this genra: it's ova. I mean, doing yet anotha stinka of a drama about the mee-lee-a of the ersatz London gangsta? You're taking the piss - intcha?