breakups

Did Jennifer Aniston Dump John Mayer?

by Celebuzz on Aug. 14, 2008 02:10 PM / Leave a Comment
Did Jennifer Aniston Dump John Mayer?
Bauer Griffin Online

Contrary to earlier reports that John Mayer ended his relationship with Jennifer Aniston, the Chicago Sun-Times says that it was the former Friends star who did the dumping—because Mayer couldn't stop fishing off of other piers.

"She finds him funny, sexy and very talented," says the paper's source, who's supposedly "super-close" to Aniston. "But in the final analysis, she just got tired of his roving eye."

In truth, Mayer's eye probably wasn't the body part that did the damage. The source claims that Jen gave the guitar-strumming ladies' man a "three strikes and you're out" ultimatum. And that Mayer quickly burned through his strikes with a cocktail waitress, a promoter's assistant and a groupie.

And then there's his opening act, Colbie Caillat. And, if Mayer's track record is any indication, a starlet or two, a crossing guard, a DMV employee and lord knows how many Starbucks baristas.

Quotables /
“Uh oh. Here's John Mayer looking sad at the LAX Airport. And it might be because the rumor is now that Jennifer Aniston dumped his ass (instead of the other way around) after finding out he'd cheated on her with three other chicks. According to the Chicago-Sun Times, he boinked a cocktail waitress, a promoter's assistant for his concert tour and a groupie. A groupie, you say?

Really? That doesn't sound like my trustworthy John.

The only thing that bums me out about a heartbroken Mayer is that fact that he'll probably write an album about it and I'll be subjected to hearing his songs played on repeat in the CVS every time I have to go and buy some moisturizer and pick up my birth control. Like I need that.

Oh and that's a great plan to keep from drawing attention from yourself by dressing like the Unabomber at the airport, John. Although to be fair, it probably killed him to have to cover up his gym body.

Have a nice trip, cheater!”
Socialite Life
“While conventional wisdom suggests that John Mayer hightailed it out of his relationship with Jennifer Aniston when it became known she wants kids, it turns out he has a "roving eye/wang" which prompted her to eject him from the magical land of constantly erect nipples.

I have a bit of a wandering penis myself. Except he doesn't so much as wander as burn through my frequent flier miles. He'll come home and when I ask if he at least got some, he'll act all aloof and say "Oh, yeah, sure." When I know he just sat at some airport bar reading a James Patterson novel. God, what a dick.”
The Superficial
Next Story / Fab Foursome: Taylor Swift and the Jonas Brothers

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