Giving a sideways shout-out to her good buddy J.C., Hills breakout sensation Heidi Montag recently told E! host Michael Yo that she has the Man Upstairs to thank for her meteoric career rise.

"A lot of miracles have happened in my life to take me here, and to me, the reason why we’re all on this earth is for God, and that’s the way I live my life," the ever-pious Montag declared.

Totally, Heidi. Anyone who can't see the parallels between your miraculous life and the examples laid out in the Bible must be blind.

Jesus healed lepers. You make people wish they were deaf.

Jesus turned water into wine. You've been known to enjoy a drink or two yourself.

Jesus multiplied fish and loaves of bread out of thin air. You've multiplied your media presence without a single shred of talent.

Now let's see if you can once again summon the power of Christ to prevent your show from sinking into the ratings toilet.

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