spirit

Heidi Montag Claims Christ-Like Qualities

by celebuzz on Jun. 30, 2008 02:59 PM / 7 Comments

And some people were offended when John Lennon said that the Beatles were bigger than Jesus.

Hills brainiac Heidi Montag—who recently made news for buying an arsenal of guns—wants everyone to know how deeply, deeply close she is to her Creator. And no, she's not talking about svengali Spencer Pratt.

"I have been the most religious person since I was two years old. I always felt this crazy connection to God," Montag confided to USA Today.

But didn't hyper-pious Heidi break the "bearing false witness" commandment by spreading sex-tape rumors about Hills costar Lauren Conrad?

"God knows the truth in all of this," counters Montag. "That is the only thing that matters. Jesus was persecuted, and I'm going to get persecuted, ya know?"

Absolutely! Heidi's just like Jesus. Jesus turned water into wine. Heidi turned looking okay in a bikini into a twisted pseudo-fame. Jesus walked on water. Heidi walked all over her Hills castmates.

Because she's so much like Jesus, Montag says she wants to record a Christian album.

Which should save some souls. After hearing Montag's tortured-cat singing style, even the most hardened atheist is bound to yell, "Oh, Jesus; take me now!"

Quotables /

“Heidi Montag is a devout Christian and wish people knew more about her faith. But you don't hear much of that because she's too busy posing in pictures that could only be used as Aryan greeting cards. But in between displaying her funbags, Heidi has a deep spiritual side that she shared with USA Today. Let's take a look at Heidi's ability to form thoughts which will make you cringe because of the fact her uterus is fertile and capable of reproduction:

On how she's just like Jesus but with implants:
"There were rumors about a sex tape, but I had nothing to do with that. God knows the truth in all of this, and at the end of the day, that is the only thing that matters. Jesus was persecuted, and I'm going to get persecuted, ya know? But it doesn't matter to me."

On her and Spencer's faith and surprising ability to read:
Montag identifies herself as "kind of non-denominational Baptist" and hopes to release a Christian album one day. Both she and Pratt read the Bible conscientiously. "I have been the most religious person since I was 2 years old. I always felt this crazy connection to God."

On traveling to Africa - Paris Hilton style:
This August, she and Pratt are headed to Africa to "feed children and help build things." Cameras will capture their trek, but not for The Hills.

Heidi also plans on releasing a Christian music album and you know what? I couldn't think of a better market for her. SNAP! Did I just burn religion and Heidi in one sentence? I think I did. Who's Jesus now? Eh? If you'll excuse me, I need to go turn the water cooler into wine.

UPDATE: Didn't work so I just poured vodka in. That's in The Bible too.
Photos:”

The Superficial

“HAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAH! Celebrity church-goer Heidi Montag intends to release an album of Christian music. Bitch, nuns will slap you for being stupid! Hell, Jesus might roll up to give you a beatdown. There's some people his dad is just not gonna forgive!

"I have been the most religious person since I was 2 years old. I always felt this crazy connection to God," she says.

This is probably the sickest publicity stunt that she could have pulled. Spencer Pratt is totally behind this scheme. If being a fundamentalist Muslim was in, this bitch would be in a burqa and walking three steps behind his douche ass.

She also says she once thought about devoting her life to being a missionary in Africa. Wow, that's kind of a leap from what she ended up doing. Getting plastic in her chest, fighting with other skanks on TV and staging photo ops down at the car wash.

And how she feels about the way people have treated her over The Hills' sex tape scandal?

"God knows the truth in all of this, and at the end of the day, that is the only thing that matters. Jesus was persecuted, and I'm going to get persecuted, ya know?"

Did she just compare herself to Jesus? I quit.

Click any of the photos to view the entire gallery of 12 photos of Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt.”

Socialite Life

“Heidi Montag announced her grand master plan to USA Today. The 21-year-old Hills star wants to release a Christian album!

On why she wants to record a Christian album: “I have been the most religious person since I was 2 years old. I always felt this crazy connection to God. [I consider myself] kind of non-denominational Baptist.”

On visiting Africa: “[This August, Spencer and I will] feed children and help build things.” (She once planned on devoting her life to God as a missionary in Africa.)

On ex-BFF Lauren Conrad’s claim that she spread those sex tape rumors: “There were rumors about a sex tape, but I had nothing to do with that. God knows the truth in all of this, and at the end of the day, that is the only thing that matters. Jesus was persecuted, and I’m going to get persecuted, ya know?”

On never reconciling with Lauren even though Jesus taught forgiveness: “I don’t think people are ever going to get that [but Lauren will] always have a place in my heart.”

On The Hills viewers meeting her older sister Holly, an aspiring filmmaker who once lived with her and Lauren “Holly and Lauren were inseparable for a while. But they stopped being friends when Lauren and I stopped being friends.””

Just Jared

Tell Us / Should Heidi pursue a career in music?

Next Story / Adrian Grenier Wants a Birthday Bash, Dammit!

Also In Spirit /

Comments / 1-7 of 7

Sort Oldest First

maneater 1 yr 4 mos ago
Reply

HAHAHA
notobsessed 1 yr 4 mos ago
Reply

You know they just say this ridiculous stuff to get more headlines.
neverneverland 1 yr 4 mos ago
Reply

"God knows the truth in all of this," counters Montag. "That is the only thing that matters. Jesus was persecuted, and I'm going to get persecuted, ya know?"

OH PUHLEEEEEZE
dancingqueen 1 yr 4 mos ago
Reply

what a joke
falloutgirl 1 yr 4 mos ago
Reply

i think spencer's so hot
hispanicatthedisco 1 yr 4 mos ago
Reply

I wish she'd wander out into the desert for 40 days and 40 nights to give everyone a break from her shenanigans.
hispanicatthedisco 1 yr 4 mos ago
Reply

That's a smart TSA employee, wearing rubber gloves while handling Heidi Montag's possessions.