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The Hogans Dish Out a Family-Size Serving of Icky

by celebuzz on May. 28, 2008 06:18 AM / 5 Comments
The Hogans Dish Out a Family-Size Serving of Icky
Splash News Online

What a week it's shaping up to be for the Hogan clan—and it's still only Wednesday!

Things literally started with a bang, when oily-gluted daughter Brooke got in a fender-bender in Clearwater, Florida, on Sunday. Which wouldn't be a terribly newsworthy event, if it didn't involve the Hogans and their industrial-grade tackiness.

According to TMZ, shortly after the accident Brooke published a post on her MySpace page crediting her brother Nick and his friend John Graziano—who's currently in a coma because of Nick's reckless driving—with saving her life, since they inadvertently taught her the importance of wearing a seat belt. The post disappeared shortly after reports of it emerged on the Internet.

Stay classy, Brooke! But then, how could you not, with a role model like your mother Linda? This week also saw the leak of yet another prison phone call between Nick and Linda, and this time it was Linda's turn to do the whining. Apparently, she can't understand why Graziano's mother, Debra, is so upset about her son being in a persistent vegetative state. After assuring her precious little snowflake that "you don't deserve to be [in jail]" for putting Graziano in Terri Schiavo mode, Linda declares, "I knew [John] better than his own mother...And she has no other recourse other than to than to be nasty and vindictive right now."

Totally; where does Debra Graziano get off, acting all uppity just because her son will most likely never be sentient again? What a bitch.

But wait, there's more. Linda goes on to weepily assert that "John never meant anything to her or [John's father] Ed" and, "She's not suffering, I am!" (Hulk also engaged in some victim-blaming recently. During a jailhouse conversation with Nick, the Hulkster opined that God laid some "heavy sh*t" on Graziano because of things he was "into.")

Absolutely! Where is the justice? Listen to the full audio recording here. But be forewarned; your blood just might boil over while contemplating the grave unfairness of it all.

Oh, well, at least Linda can console herself in the arms of the 19-year-old boat-maintenance guy she's reportedly started dating. 

Say what you will about the Hogans, they never fail to entertain.

What will the rest of this week hold for this wacky clan? Check back tomorrow; Hulk will probably be body-slamming a near-lifeless Graziano while bellowing, "What's your problem, bro?"

Quotables /
“Nick Bollea has been pondering his future whilst serving time in a Florida prison. According to recorded tapes of conversations between him and his father Hulk Hogan, he has been asking about making a reality show, based on how he recovers upon release from prison. He even asked his father what was the best way to go about making money from the show, with his father suggesting he produce it and Nick can be an owner. Meanwhile, John Graziano lies in hopsital with brain damage, unaware of the Hogan circus.

Are the Hogans trying to alienate the general public even more? Perhaps showbiz life has detached them completely from reality. It has been suggested that upon release from prison, Nick should be drafted into the Marines and sent on a tour of Iraq and a tour of Afghanistan... with a large bullseye painted on his helmet.

Only problem with that, is he is just as likely to get shot from behind as he is from the front...”
Splash News Online
“Brooke Hogan was involved in a minor car accident Sunday afternoon. The 20-year-old was driving on Clearwater’s Bayside Bridge when the driver of a 1997 Toyota lost control and smashed into her new Mercedes, pushing it into a concrete wall. Witnesses claim the other driver was nickhoganing.* Breaking the Hogan family trend, Brooke’s passenger had no brain damage and can still dress herself.

*speeding”
Celebslam
“TMZ got ahold of another jailhouse phone call from Nick Hogan, this time with his dad. Unlike Nick’s last phone call, there’s little crying and a lot of victim blaming. TMZ summarizes:

While crash victim John Graziano lies in a permanent vegetative state in a hospital with a hole in his head, Hulk Hogan says that God laid some “heavy s**t”on him because of things that he was “into.” Nick agrees, saying John was a “negative person.”

I agree with the Hulk. John Graziano ended up a vegetable, destined to spend the rest of his life in a hospital bed, because of something he was “into” — namely Nick’s car! Blaming John for that horrible auto accident is like me blaming my condom for Alessandra Ambrosio’s pregnancy. Because in the end, it wasn’t faulty rubber that caused both her and Nick’s car to end up wrapped around a pole . . . it was heavy drinking.”
Celebslam
“I keep forgetting to put this up, it’s a few days old now, but if you haven’t heard it yet, AOL has a phone conversation between Nick Hogan and Hulk Hogan, recorded while Nick is in jail, where they essentially say John Grazianos negative attitude is the reason that John is in a permanent vegetative state. You may think the reason he is in a coma is because Nick Hogan had a few beers and raced his car down the street and smashed into a telephone poll, but no, it was because John sometimes yelled at people.

HULK: I don’t know what type of person John was, or what he did to get himself in this situation, I know he was pretty aggressive, and he used to yell at people and he used to do stuff, and, for some reason man, God laid some heavy shit on that kid, man, I don’t know what he was into...
NICK: John was a negative person.
HULK: He was what?
NICK: He was a negative person.

After that, the conversation cuts to them talking about how to make Nick the most money possible out of this situation. It's like that old saying, "when life hands you lemons, put the lemon in a fucking coma. Then you can sell it for money."”
“Brooke Hogan is reportedly very upset that her brother Nick is serving jail time for reckless driving in Clearwater, Florida. She can't believe the lies that were told during the trial and is pissed that the truth hasn't come out yet.

Let's look at the facts: Nick was drunk and driving, caused an accident which left his friend John Graziano in a vegetative state. Daddy Hulk Hogan has spoken out to basically blame the victim with little Nick agreeing that he was a "negative person." I'm curious as to what the untruths are. Who cares if people think Nick is "some rich little selfish kid" and is spending some time in jail. He's still far better off than he left his pal John Graziano!

I guess being a dumbass runs in the family.”
Gabby Babble
“Hulk Hogan visited son Nick in jail and had this to say about the whole drink driving/high speed crash situation: "For some reason God laid some heavy shit on that kid man. I don't know what he is into". This is how the Hulkster justifies John Graziano's current situation. He must have forgotten that the prison phone calls are taped. In a further conversation, Nick Hogan can be heard complaining about his cell.

In a later interview, God commented that He had no idea what the Hulk was on about and that if it had been up to Him (and not free will), it would be Nick, not John, lying in a vegetative state. The Almighty also admitted that He preferred "Macho Man" Randy Savage.

When Nick was complaining about his cell, he was just stating he was tired of the house rule of 3 inmates to a bed.”
Splash News Online
“I was hoping that this road "luck" didn't run in the Hogan family. It looks like Brooke was in a smash-up on Sunday on the freeway in Clearwater, Florida, but thankfully it was reported that she wasn't at fault. According to reports, Brooke's car hit the concrete divider after the other vehicle swerved to switch lanes at high speed and sustained $3,000 in damage.

After all of Nick's troubles, this was probably the last thing that the Hogan fam wanted to deal with so soon.”
Splash News Online
“The 20-year-old platinum blonde was in a car crash earlier today that took place on the Bayside Bridge in Florida, which crosses over Tampa Bay. According to TMZ, Brooke was in the center lane when a speeding car in front of her slammed into hers during a lane change. She hit the barrier wall, however since both she and her friend in the passenger side were wearing seatbelts, neither were injured.

On her MySpace blog, Brooke said:

I don't know if you heard, but my friend and I got into a really bad car accident today ourselves... As I turned on my car I clicked my seatbelt. As we pulled out onto the road, I looked over and realized my friend didn't have her seatbelt on. I reminded her to put it on and the minute she clicked it, a car crashed into us.


Brooke credited her brother Nick, who is currently serving time for his drag-racing accident, for reminding her of the importance of wearing a seatbelt.”
Socialite Life
Next Story / Who Is This Inked Woman?

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