Major Movie Star has made a major movie star out of baby factory Jessica Simpson ... in Russia, reports Fox News.
Chances are no one Stateside has heard of the flick, which is described as both Private Benjamin-like and “maybe one of the worst films ever made.” The picture is not even being released in this country.
Conquering Russia is a stunning geographic achievement for Simpson, considering the country of Canada recently told her to kanuck off.
Fox News notes that the film will next premiere in Bulgaria. In fact, the stinker is only visiting theaters in non-English-speaking nations.
But, wait, doesn't that mean Jessica's actual voice won't be in the film? She'll be overdubbed in each country's language! Why, that's like erasing her from the movie!
Ohhh—suddenly it makes sense why Major Movie Star is a hit overseas...
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ha ha Big Hits. was that supposed to imply something?