As a result of his staunch traditional family values, Michael Lohan couldn’t bring himself to walk his daughter Lindsay Lohan down the aisle, and he told MSNBC as such.

Lindsay’s estranged father said of his daughter’s potential nuptials to her girlfriend Samantha Ronson, “If she was marrying Sam, I don’t think she’d ask me to walk her down the aisle. She knows about my (Christian) faith…she just wouldn’t ask.”

That’s some interesting hypothesizing, considering Lindsay won’t even return her father’s pitiful voicemails. It is quite adorable though, that he actually thought he’d be invited.

And just out of curiosity, Michael, what did your genitals ever do to deserve to be punished so harshly with those jeans? Nevermind, don’t answer that…

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