Madonna and child (a.k.a., boy toy Jesus Luz), apparently big fans of the classic 2004 film, You Got Served, hosted a dance-off at a nightclub in New York this weekend. Absolutely nothing about that sentence surprises us. Why wouldn’t Madonna and her Brazilian babe be hosting a dance-off?

Madonna reportedly hosted the dance contest because she is looking for dancers for her upcoming tour. The performance consisted of Brazilian dancers doing Capoeira moves and slamming on drumsticks.

After the dance-off, Madge and Jesus danced together on the dance floor for about 90 minutes before leaving the club “in high spirits.” Madonna knows that there is nothing like a good dance-off hosting to get you and your male arm candy in the mood.

Madonna wouldn’t be Madonna if she wasn’t one smart cookie and the other night Madge exhibited her penchant for making smart, well-informed decisions when she banned Lindsay Lohan from hanging around her boy toy, Jesus Luz. It seems Lindsay Lohan got wind that Luz would be hosting a party at a posh nightclub in Paris (along with Alicia Keys and Swizz Beatz) and for whatever reason decided it would be a good idea for her to weasel her way into Luz’s  gig. Fortunately, Madonna keeps her man under lock-and-key and banned Lohan from appearing at the club as soon as she heard about the milkaholic’s plans. Jesus didn’t put up a fuss because he is a good little boy who would never want to upset Mistress Madonna and also because he heard you can catch narcissistic paranoia (and also: “career failure,” “pathetic loserdom” and “herpes”) simply by breathing the same air as Lohan. Lindsay had to make do by spending the night in her hotel and Luz went on to host the party, Lohan-free.

Photo Source: Splash News Online/Getty Images

 • Jessica Simpson, still desperately grasping for any press attention that doesn’t involve her being called fat, tells the world that John Mayer will “never have this napalm again.” (JustJared)

• Former SNL cast member Cheri Oteri is still alive! Also, we’ve all been mispronouncing her name for the past 15 years. (NY Mag)

• Madonna‘s current boy toy, Jesus Luz, confuses “kept” with “marriage” in his Portuguese-to-English dictionary, tells the world he is “a married man.” (Perez Hilton)

• Handsome movie star Ewan McGregor says he would totally “go gay” for…Philip Seymour Hoffman? (ONTD)

• Conan O’Brien models the latest in redhead summer fashion as he stepped out with his family in Beverly Hills this weekend. (TMZ)

For many, Humpday signifies the middle of the workweek, when we’re exactly halfway between the memories (and mistakes) we made last weekend and the ones we’ll make next. But here at Celebuzz, Humpday means that Colin Goldman, our resident Celebrity Hookup Enthusiast (who actually knows next to nothing about legit celebrity love news) sets his mind to wondering — Are They or Aren’t They?

Today’s edition of Humpday Roundup salutes May-December Romance, that inter-generational bit of geezer-to-youngster booty slapping that often nauseates us, but always keeps our grey matter on “must see” mode.

He, the be-deviled British author with the bounty on his bald dome  She, the Top Chef temptress with the (until recently) bun up in the oven.  Salman and Padma are former spousal spooners, divorced, now, just friends, but hold tight, Humpday readers, because there’s a mystery baby and everybody’s wondering who stole the cookie from the cookie jar.  Could it be that these inter-generational, Parcheesi playing world travelers are back in the saddle again?  Does this new baby daddy drama involve a rekindling of May-December romp between 62-year old Rushdie and his 39-year old bit o’ honey? 

Verdict:  The birds do it.  The bees do it.  Even educated fleas do it.  Definitely humping.

The thirty year age difference between Gary Busey and actress/girlfriend/baby mama Steffanie Sampson seems monumental, until you realize that age is just a number, and Busey lost all ability to compute figures several jugs of unfiltered moonshine ago.  Still, if there’s anything May-December romances teach us, it’s that beauty is in the eye of the beholder.  That love doesn’t follow any precise rules of nature, let alone common decency.  Will you still need me, will you still feed me, when I’m Busey’s age? 

Verdict:  C’mon, there’s a baby.  Definitely humping.

Speaking of tri-decade–age-difference rekindled booty knocking, hey, look everybody, it’s Madonna and Jesus, reportedly back together after their breakup just two moons ago.  This fifty-something cougar with the penchant for fresh-faced man meat keeps banging at the door of Jesus’ parents house at midnight, drunk on peach wine coolers, and looking to score.  Just one man’s opinion, but somebody needs to hose Granny down with a combo of Purell and decency.  Just because you can have any man in the world, doesn’t mean you should have every man in the world. 

Verdict:  Too disturbed to contemplate the almost certain inevitability of humping.

Uber-cougar, Madonna (51) has announced she’s splitting up with Brazilian male model, Jesus Luz (23), citing “age differences” as a primary factor. While it’s hard to believe that an twenty-eight year age difference is not enough for the Material Girl, it seem quite obvious that Madonna is now on the hunt for an even younger man.

While there’s no way to know for sure who this sly man hunter has in her sights, we have assembled a list of possible new, even younger boyfriends, for this ambitious, half-century-old blonde.

1.  Taylor Lautner

Turning 18 in just a week’s time, Madonna certainly must be considering making a run at the ab-tastic junior actor.  Taylor Lautner meets Madonna’s qualifications in that he’s young, he has a nice smile, and he doesn’t talk too much.

2.  Justin Bieber

He’s cute, he’s cuddly, and he could really use a dance instructor.  You know, perhaps an older lady to show him all the right moves, on stage, of course.  Bieber could be Madonna’s greatest achievement yet, turning the shy, awkward, fifteen-year old into a grown man ready to dominate the world stage.

3.  Kingston Rossdale

Let’s face it, Bieber’s getting kind of old for Madonna.  He might have to start shaving soon.  What Madonna needs is a boyfriend from a musical family whose influences have yet to be set.  Somebody she can train, both vocally, and to clean and repair her Pilates equipment.  Kingston Rossdale fits the bill.

4.  Padma’s Baby

No point in wasting time with a boyfriend who may already have developed bad habits, we would expect Madonna to make a play for an as-yet-to-be-born handsome young man, with joint citizenship in the U.K., so he can be stowed away in her castle keep, at least until such time as he’s able to crawl away.

One’s the ginger-haired scion of British royalty. The other’s the boy-toy of an aging pop icon. Neither one are wearing anything from the waist up.

Behold, these photos of Jesus Luz beaching it up in Ipanema and Prince Harry boating in the Caribbean, both in all their top-free glory.

Two delightfully devilish slabs of eye candy, to be sure, but who worked the shirtless look best? Check out the evidence in our photo gallery and render your verdict in the comments section!

There’s nothing like brotherly love to warm the heart.

Or not.

Madonna‘s estranged brother Christopher Ciccone spilled a ton of dirt on his super-star sister in his 2008 memoir Life With My Sister and apparently isn’t ready to quit talking smack.

Ciccone told E! News that Madonna “looked like Rachel Zoe gone horribly wrong,” when asked about her look at Sunday night’s VMA Awards, where she presented the tribute to Michael Jackson.

He also spoke not-so-kindly about his sister’s latest fling, Jesus Luz:

“It proves the point that you can judge a person by the company they keep— or don’t keep. It’s painfully apparent that Jesus may be able to turn water into wine, but your basic blow dryer eludes him.”

Ouch. Do you think Madonna will respond?

Madonna celebrated her 51st birthday birthday with boytoy Jesus Luz, and her kids, Lourdes Leon, David Banda, and newly adopted Mercy James with friends Stefano Gabbana and Domenico Dolce on a yacht in Portofino, Italy.

We’ve got tons of pictures from the occasion, includng a very lovey-dovey Madonna and Jesus.

Make sure you check out Madonnas choice of swimwear (a “Madonna 1″ basketball jersey and shorts??), her super-duper umbrella holder, and Jesus’ ripped abs in our super new gallery.

Can you believe that Madonna is 51? Can you believe her and Jesus? Leave it in the comments!

UPDATE: Despite Madonna‘s claims that intrusive paparazzi spooked her horse and caused her fall on Saturday, at least one shutterbug is claiming it just isn’t so.

Freelance photog Thomas Hinton tells the New York Daily News that he had no role in the horse-riding mishap, and the Southampton Village Police Department apparently backs up his claim.

Hinton says that he took a few shots of Madonna riding her horse at 3:50 p.m., but bailed because he didn’t have a good angle to shoot from.

Hinton only returned about 40 minutes later, when he was tipped off that Madge had taken a spill.

“I arrived more than 10 minutes after she fell, and I was shooting from the street,” Hinton said. “I don’t know what [Madonna's publicist Liz Rosenberg] is talking about.”

The mystery deepens…

What, was it Fedora Saturday at the New York Kabbalah Center yesterday?

Singer Madonna popped up at the place of worship, as did Carlos Leon (father of Madge’s daughter, Lourdes) and her apparently on-again boyfriend, Brazilian model Jesus Luz.

Curiously, they were all sporting similar looks, from the fedoras perched on their noggins to their black jackets. Wonder if they have a secret handshake for their club?

But wardrobe coordination wasn’t the only exciting activity for the Material Mom on Saturday. The New York Daily News reports that Madge was tossed from her horse while riding in the Hamptons, when her steed was startled by photographers.

According to Madonna’s mouthpiece, Liz Rosenberg, the 50-year-old singer was getting all equestrian at the Bridgehampton farm of photographer Steven Klein when a group of paps leaped out of the bushes, surprising her horse and causing a not particularly graceful dismount. 

Madonna was raced to the Southampton Hospital with minor injuries and bruises, and was released on Saturday night. She’s believed to be recovering at the Amagansett estate of her pal Gwyneth Paltrow.

A Twitter from the Material One herself, Madonna, recently confirmed that she is again single—and presumably no longer has any use for 22-year-old Brazilian model Jesus Luz.

Luz appears to be dealing with the brush-off in in his own way—by sunning his chiseled abs on Ipanema Beach in Rio De Janeiro and hanging out with pals, accompanied by his inseparable companion—that hat.

He wore it all around New York City, too, back when he was with Madge. Read into that what you will, armchair relationship experts.

Don’t feel too bad about his return to ordinary hot-guy status. Baby Jesus would seem to be responsible for his own situation. Pictures surfaced earlier this month of him strolling along a Rio beach with a fellow (female) model shortly before his split with the Material Mom.

Besides, Madonna’s in Africa right now, battling to adopt three-year-old Mercy James. And Luz is hanging out on the beach.

Who do you think is having the better day?

What a way to find out you’ve been dumped. It’s worse than a text-message breakup!

Madonna has revealed that she has broken up with Brazilian model Jesus Luz via her manager Guy Oseary‘s Twitter account.

The pop matriarch, who is set to adopt another orphan from Malawi this weekend, guested on her business associate’s Twitter account for 10 minutes and took compliments and questions from fans on Wednesday evening.

One fan Twittered “hello madonna honey am glad you are single again – you made your best music as a single woman! yeehaw!”

To which Madge responded “NOT AS GLAD AS I AM! M……………”

See ya, Jesus!

Luz and Madonna might have hit the skids when it was reported that he was canoodling with a female model at a party in Rio De Janiero during a visit back home.

In an amusing aside, Madge also showed off that she was brash as ever when a fan began Twittering whines for her attention by typing “why do u respond to all of the weirdos & not normal people like me?!?! Um I take my time 2 say somethin to u.”

Madonna’s response?

“i don’t distinguish between normal and weird. stop feeling sorry for yourself. what did you want to tell me??????????????? M.”

That’s our Madge!

The relationship between Madonna, 50, and 22-year-old model Jesus Luz is only a couple of months old, but Luz might already be getting restless for a girl his own age.

The Sun reports that the Brazilian Luz returned to Rio De Janiero for a visit this past weekend and was seen “canoodling” with model Luciana Costa.

Madonna’s baby Jesus attended a party on Saturday night, where he was seen slowdancing with the 31-year-old Costa. That Jesus definitely likes older women.

“Jesus was the hit of the party and all the girls went wild for him when he arrived. But Luciana was more interested than most and soon got hold of him for a dance,” a source said.

Another source added that “they danced together very close lots of times. He whispered things in her ear, grabbed her hand, put his hand around her waist. He’d had a little to drink and it seemed clear he was after something.”

Luz and Costa were also seen strolling together in Rio on Sunday. Check out the photo. Now those are short shorts!

Costa told the press that she and Jesus were just “old friends,” and that he had “great things to say about Madonna” and “doesn’t care that she is so much older.”

Madge might not like it when her reportedly live-in boyfriend discusses “how much older” she is with girls closer to his age range.

How often is it that two best girlfriends of this fame caliber actually find to the time to share a table together, perhaps indulge in a glass of wine, and have a couple of laughs?

Longtime friends Madonna and Gwyneth Paltrow were seated side by side and obviously enjoying each other’s company at The Oak Room in NYC during the dinner party for the premiere of Valentino: The Last Emperor.

The film details the last collection the iconic designer ever supervised before retiring in 2007.

Fitting then, that fashion icons like Madge and Gwynnie were on hand to pay tribute to the film.

Note the red string Kabbalah bracelet on Paltrow’s wrist. Use the ZOOM feature to check it out.

You don’t go out on a night on the town with Madge without sporting that accessory.

This would have been the perfect time for Madonna to introduce the baby Jesus to Gwyneth.

There might not have been a booster seat available, though.

Madonna has allegedly taken her May/December romance with Brazilian model Jesus Luz to the next level.

The Mirror is reporting that the 22-year-old has moved into the Material Mommy’s Upper West Side apartment.

He’s also left his modeling agency in Rio de Janeiro to sign with the prestigious Ford Models in New York.

“Jesus has left his old life and his old friends behind. His whole world has turned on its head since he met Madonna,” a source says.

And get this—Madonna, 50, is so taken with her new boy-toy that she’s cooking meals for him.

It’s hard to imagine Madonna doing something so domestic and not delegating the task to her chef or servants.

Of course, they’re probably Kabbalah-approved, strictly organic vegan meals, but still…

Madonna, 51, REALLY wants you to know she’s dating model Jesus Luz.

She will even trudge out into a blinding NYC snowstorm with him to make sure that the public knows she is, indeed, dating a 23-year-old model.

Paparazzi caught Madonna and child out last night as they arrived at an NYC restaurant for dinner.

Madge exited the car first, and then waited for Luz before entering.

Despite the inclement weather, Luz ditched the Yankees cap he was sporting when he accompanied Madonna and son David Banda to Kabbalah.

Perhaps he got a phone call from A-Rod?

Talk about your double ex whammy.

Jesus Luz didn’t shy away from the shutterbugs as he and Madonna took the “family” on a field trip to the Kabbalah Centre Saturday morning.

It’s nice that Lourdes, Rocco and David have a new playmate, but in what must be a personal affront to ex-Guy Ritchie, Jesus appears to have replaced him in the role of both spiritual partner and kid wrangler. 

Further, he takes another shot at his boy toy predecessor, New York Yankee Alex Rodriguez. Jesus is sporting a Yankee’s cap in the photos. An ill-fitting one at that.

While the nurturing of their May-December romance through Kabbalah is generating plenty of heat, there’s another dynamic worth noticing in the affair of Brazilian hottie Jesus Luz and pop queen Madonna.

E! Online reports that Madge took her 22-year-old paramour to Los Angeles’ Kabbalah Center on trendy Robertson Boulevard last Saturday.

While the former Mrs. Guy Ritchie may be making an impression on Jesus spiritually, it was Luz making quite the impression on Madonna’s 8-year-old son Rocco.

“He was playing around more with Rocco than paying attention to Madonna,” a source says.

Luz has been previously spotted roaming New York with Madonna, 50, and her adopted son David Banda.

Daughter Lourdes would be the last in the trifecta of children to impress, and then family favor would be won.

Still, reps for the singer deny any funny business is going on.

“Clichéd as it sounds, they’re really just friends,” Madge’s longtime rep Liz Rosenberg tells E!.

Of course, she’s the same spokesperson who vehemently denied that Madonna and Guy Ritchie’s marriage was in trouble up until they divorced. Grain of salt, people.

Madonna‘s sinewy, muscular arms made a startling appearance at the Vanity Fair Oscar party last night at the Sunset Tower in Los Angeles.

In a sleeveless black dress and windblown hair, Jesus’ star follower looked like she could out-benchpress anyone in the building.

Is she lifting cinderblocks for exercise?

As Madge has entered her cougar years (51), she’s managed to keep in tip-top shape with her devotion to living healthy, advanced levels of yoga, and canoodling with much younger men.

And it pays off, Princess Leia: The Later Years’ skin looks flawless.

Despite reports, it appears the Material Mom did not walk the red carpet with alleged new beau, 22-year-old Brazilian model Jesus Luz.

After the VF party, Madge was scheduled to host a post-post-Oscars party alongside pal Demi Moore at manager Guy Oseary‘s house in LA.

Perhaps Madge fit Jesus in for some arm-wrestling there?

Check out Madonna’s ZOOMworthy arms in our gallery!

Steroid lover Alex Rodriguez would appear to be permanently off Madonna‘s menu. Sources say The Madgestic One, 50, plans to formerly introduce 22-year-old Brazilian model Jesus Luz to the world as her consort at Vanity Fair‘s Oscar party on Sunday night.

OK! Magazine reports that Madonna and her savior are even coordinating their outfits for the big night.

“Madonna and Jesus have spent all week planning their outfits for Oscar night,” a source says. “Madonna is planning on using the Vanity Fair party to introduce Jesus to the world as her new boyfriend, and she wants everything to be perfect!”

Madonna seems determined to make sure everyone knows that her and Jesus are the real deal. The two have been seen dining out together several times in NYC in the past couple of weeks, and even attended the same Kabbalah ceremony recently, though they arrived separately.

“She’ll put to rest any rumor that Jesus was ‘just a model’ during that racy W photo-shoot,” the source adds. “Madonna and Jesus’ romance is real.”

Madonna’s performances in the past have often had religious overtones, so she’s got to be thrilled that she’s actually dating Jesus now.

Hey, David Banda, your mother wears combat boots!

At least when she attends Kabbalah services, apparently.

Madonna, 50, toted her three-year-old adopted son David to Kabbalah services in New York yesterday. The pop singer—who was recently granted legal permission to relocate her children with ex-husband Guy Ritchie to the Big Apple—was clad from head to toe in black. Including the combat boots she was wearing on her feet.

Combat boots? Really, Madonna? Do you anticipate a melee breaking out?

Also attending Kabbalah yesterday: 22-year-old Brazilian model and Madge’s rumored boy-toy, Jesus Luz. Who arrived separately from his alleged girlfriend.

Possibly because he was embarrassed by her choice of worship wardrobe.