We would all like to be immortal and only die lithe and vibrant and only when we’re ready but life is short and cruel so deal because we all will become Fat Keanus one day.

Dude just shows up to the Cannes Film Festival to promote  his debut film as a director, the kung-fu valentine, A Man of Tai Chi, but gets promo for it thanks to how old and paunchy he looks this week.  (He’s 48, btw, probably about 215 lbs. fully-carbed, Utah. )

The lone bright spot to come of this is that, finally, our aging pretty male movie stars are getting the same respect as their female counterparts. Because in Hollywood, unless you’re Betty White, every day that passes brings you one step closer to rotting in a shallow grave dug for you by British tabloid editors. As civilians we should all be happy that our deaths will be much quieter, even if our corpses have double-chins.

For five years, the MTV Movie Awards had a Most Desirable Male category. (It stopped in 1997, for reasons unknown; Leonardo DiCaprio would have won, anyway.)

Most of the choices made sense at the time — with the exception of maybe William Baldwin, who, like the movie he won for (Sliver), is probably worth forgetting about.

See who won in their respective years, below, compared to what they look like today.

Keanu Reeves for Point Break (1992)

Christian Slater for Untamed Heart (1993)

William Baldwin for Sliver (1994)

Brad Pitt for Interview With a Vampire (1995)

Brad Pitt Again for Seven (1996)

For the record, the actresses who won Most Desirable Female were: Linda Hamilton, for Terminator 2: Judgement Day; Sharon Stone, for Basic Instinct; Janet Jackson, for Poetic Justice; Sandra Bullock, for Speed; and Alicia Silverstone, for Clueless

The MTV Movie Awards air tonight at 9PM

Two of today’s top stories are yesterday’s cute couple! It’s Flashback Friday! 

Paula Abdul and the X Factor gang are taking some heat for last night’s hyper-emotional elimination in which one of the contestants fell to the floor, while Keanu Reeves is being championed as a modern day gentleman for giving up his seat on the subway in a viral video. Back in the ’90s, the two dated for a hot minute and costarred in Paula’s video, “Rush Rush.”

Ever the dapper dude, Keanu took on the ’50s inspired role with a touch of class. His recent role of mindful subway rider is getting equal applause:

Paula has been getting a bit of a backlash from rabid fans of her new show, but as ever she manages to be a source of support for the contestants and her fellow judges, telling Nicole Scherzinger (via Twitter):

“I applaud you for listening to you heart last night because I know how genuinely torn you were.”

Everybody has to get their start somewhere! 

Matrix ass-kicker and internet meme star Keanu Reeves is one of many actors whose beginnings are documented on commercial TV shilling products to the masses. 

In an unearthed advertisement from a time before DVR, a 16-year-old Keanu strapped on his bike shorts for a bike race in which an ice cold Coke was his reward for finishing the race in second place. He later said of the ad:

“I was the new kid who falls behind but comes in second,” he told GQ in 2003. “And the winner goes, ‘Great race, kid. Who’s your coach?’ And I say, ‘My daaaad.’

“Then the guy playing my dad goes, ‘Here son,’ and he hands me a Coke. And I had the classic experience of having to drink the drink, like, six times with the director saying, ‘OK, now grab the drink. You’re the thirstiest guy in the desert and this is water!’” 

Don’t expect Keanu to be appearing in more adverts any time soon, the actor has two movies coming out in 2012, Generation Um… and 47 Ronin.

Most celebrities wouldn’t dare step outside without first employing the services of a team of stylists and makeup artists. But there are some famous people who are confident enough to set self-consciousness aside and hit the streets dressed for comfort.

Hit up the photo gallery to see Celebuzz’s pictorial salute to stars who aren’t afraid to go ultra-casual.

Nice camera, cow dude. 

Keanu Reeves was photographed running away from a gang of cowboys through the streets of New York City with their stolen camcorder while shooting a scene for his new film Generation Um. Keanu quickly hid his face from the paparazzi after the take was finished.

What do you think about Keanu’s thievery? Click through the photos and let us know.

Charlize Theron and Keanu Reeves were spotted wrapped in each others arms outside a restaurant in Beverly Hills, California.

The two previously co-starred together in The Devil’s Advocate.

We don’t really know what to make of this new couple. Although, if Megan Fox is any indication, dating guys who were in their prime in the ’90s is the new hot trend for beautiful bombshells. Maybe Charlize is just trying to get in on some of that action?

Click here for more photos and check out all our paparazzi coverage at Paparazzi-Razzi.

Usually clean-cut Mad Men hottie Jon Hamm was recently spotted rocking a big and bushy new bearded look, and it reminds us of a question we’ve thought long and hard about: Facial hair…is it good or bad? For some guys, it can make them look sexier, older, even more dangerous. But for some, it’s just one, huge FAIL.

Click through our dude gallery to see which look you prefer on your favorite stars like Brad Pitt, Shia LaBeouf, and Ryan Gosling. Make sure to share which one you like best in the comment section!

Keanu Reeves, are you reading this?

Super-hot Dancing With The Stars alum Karina Smirnoff is absolutely dying to have the actor as her dance partner in the next season of the show.

“I have always wanted to meet Keanu Reeves,” she tells Us. “I’ve said it for, like, eight seasons, and it doesn’t seem that he’s gotten the message. He hasn’t responded, so I’m starting to give up.”

Keanu and Karina, together on stage and cutting a rug? Sounds like a dream come true.

Do you agree? Leave it in the comments.

Whoa!

The Toronto Star reports that Matrix star Keanu Reeves is being sued by a Barrie, Ontario, woman who’s seeking child support for her four kids.

Karen Sala, 46, filed a request in an Ontario court on Monday to force Reeves to provide a DNA sample in an effort to establish paternity. The first court date for the case is set for July 6.

Sala claims that she has known Reeves, 44, since he was seven and she was nine, and that she briefly lived with the Reeves family after running away from home. With her children now aged from 20 to 25, Sala says they want to know the truth about who their real father is, and she needs money to fund their secondary education.

Also, apparently, she’s just plain angry with Reeves over his alleged shirking of his supposed responsibility.

“I’m pissed. I just want him to stand up and be a man,” Sala declared in an interview this week.

Sala, who is acting as her own attorney, is seeking child support of $150,000 per month, retroactive to June 1988, as well as $3 million per month in spousal support retroactive to November 2006.

Cheryl Maisel, a spokesperson for Reeves, has issued a statement denying the allegations that reads, “Karen Sala’s allegations are completely false and absurd. Mr. Reeves has no knowledge of who she is.”

Adds Paul Knell, Reeves’ Los Angeles business manager, “Before you disparage my client and lend validity to this, there’s clearly something wrong with someone who claims child support after all the kids have grown. I’m just pointing that out.”

However, Salas’ childhood friend, Connie Harten, backs up her assertion that she and Reeves had a relationship.

“She used to come up and visit me, and she brought him with her a couple of times,” Harten claims. “They were very close. I got the impression something was going on. I didn’t ask questions.”

Salas, who claims to have carried on an affair with Reeves both before and during her marriage, admits that she doesn’t know exactly how many of her children allegedly belong to Reeves. She does, however, note that at least one of them bears a resemblance to the actor.

Though born in Beirut, Lebanon, Reeves lived in Toronto with his mother before moving to Hollywood in the late ’80s.

Have your say in the comments section: Do you think there might be a litter of mini-Keanus running around up in Canada?

Whoa; Keanu Reeves is about to get two-faced.

The Hollywood Reporter says that Reeves has signed on for a big-screen reworking of the Robert Louis Stevenson classic The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. The often-adapted story involves a doctor who develops an evil alter-ego after drinking his own potion.

The new version, simply titled Jekyll, will likely be directed by Nicolas Winding Refn (who helmed the Pusher series), and Justin Haythe, who penned Revolutionary Road, is writing the script.

Sounds promising. But can Keanu Reeves pull off two personalities, let alone one, on the big screen?

Have your say in the comments section: Do you think Keanu can do a convincing Jekyll?

Keanu Reeves: Actor, philosopher, heartthrob and now, as it turns out, master motorist.

The 44-year-old Speed star took the checkered flag at the Toyota Grand Prix of Long Beach, on Saturday, beating out fellow wheel gripping show-bizzers such as Adrien Brody, Raven-Symoné, comedian Carlos Mencia, Jeopardy! host Alex Trebek and pro skateboarder Danny Way during the celebrity portion of the weekend-long race extravaganza. (The pro racers, such as recently exonerated Helio Castroneves, take over today.)

“I’m a little shocked,” Reeves told E! News after smoking his show-biz colleagues. “It was a great experience and thanks to the other racers, we had a great group. And thanks to the fans.”

Check out the video below for more of Reeves discussing his victory:

There are business dinners and then there are Keanu Reeves business dinners.

The Matrix star showed that he’s not all save-the-world intense during an unorthodox work discussion at a nearly empty Hollywood restaurant on Saturday. He took much of the Thai-cuisine dinner relaxing on his back in a secluded booth. 

Fellow diners at Talesai were surprised to see the action star make it out on a night when much of that Sunset Blvd section was shut due to a movie production. There were not many folks to be seen.

But a ”thin Keanu, fully bearded, wearing a tweed blazer with hiking boots” surprised a small group of patrons when he entered the joint with a female companion, according to one diner.

“They took the corner table by the wine cellar and he laid down on the booth like for a nap,” says the diner. “The other woman stayed seated, and they would talk business casually. It was all very chill. Very Zen-like.”

Odd and fantastic! Maybe this is a Thai custom we have not heard about until now.

Keanu did rise from the Thai Mellow Position to share a bottle of wine and a couple of plates of food — and to even talk some more business. But mostly he just chilled out for what seemed like hours. He was still there when our spy left.

“He was so comfy that he seemed to really be making himself at home,” says the diner.

He might still be there now. We should check!

Keanu Reeves and his shaggydelic self accompanied an unknown woman to lunch at La Pain Quotidien in Brentwood, California on Sunday.

“La Pain Quotidien” translates as “The Daily Bread” in English so you can assume there was some baked goods involved.

Keanu might have returned to his customary “homeless” look due to the reception that his latest film, the sci-fi remake The Day The Earth Stood Still, received.

Reeves, 44, played a harbinger of Earth’s doom in the film which updated the 1951 original and co-starred Jennifer Connelly and Kathy Bates.

Film critic clearinghouse site Rotten Tomatoes clocks the film in at 20% (out of a 100, of course) and describes it as “heavy on special effects, but without a coherent story at its base, The Day the Earth Stood Still is subpar re-imagining of the 1951 science-fiction classic.”

Ouch. It did, however, gross almost $80 million at the box office here in the US.

Well at least Keanu can take comfort in the fact that the shifty paparazzo who was trying to sue him last year lost his case.

A jury decided that photographer Alison Silva’s claim that Keanu struck him with his car and caused serious injury to his wrist was suspect. Especially since video came to light of Silva deftly using his wrist afterwards.

So the legal system smiles upon Keanu, even if the critics don’t.

Paparazzi enemy Keanu Reeves is currently in court, facing a lawsuit brought against him by photographer Alison Silva.

Silva claims he’s been unable to work due to an injured hand since Reeves’ Porsche knocked him over in 2007.

E! reports that hog rider Reeves’ attorney showed a very interesting video in court yesterday, depicting Silva scaling a razor-wire fence to try and capture Britney Spears. In the video, he apparently braces himself with his injured hand as he cimbs down.

This incident took place some time after the occurrence with Reeves.

“That was a good video,” Silva said, boldfaced, in court. It was taken from his website.

Silva says that he can no longer hold a camera with his injured hand so he has to use a video camera and, yes, does still climb the occasional fence, despite his injury.

Reeves’ defense contends that the photographer tripped during the March 2007 incident and that Keanu’s car was nowhere near him.

A jury will begin deliberations today.

Keanu Reeves looked none too pleased with photogs on Wednesday.

The actor was strolling the streets of New York with an unidentified female (where’s China Chow?) while trying to avoid the intrusive flashbulbs.

The Speed star would probably have made a better getaway if he stuck to his vast assortment of wheels instead of hoofing it.

Keanu may have not wanted to stop and chat, but at least he graced the press with a shower-fresh look. The actor’s gawkers aren’t always so lucky.

Whoa; maybe Keanu Reeves and Pink should start a motorcycle gang.

The Matrix dude left the Chateau Marmont Thursday on his motorcycle, which is apparently a favorite pastime for the actor. Reeves was spotted a couple of weeks ago zipping around Beverly Hills on a totally sweet, if lamentably Iron Cross-adorned, chopper.

Wow, that dude’s a rebel. First he conclusively proves that no woman is the boss of him, now he’s a biker. Which is a really cool way to travel, plus an effective way of airing one’s self out.

A playful Keanu Reeves has whipped the residents of San Remo, Italy, into a frenzy—simply by stopping in for lunch.

Transfixed bystanders gesticulated wildly and sent a flurry of text messages, announcing to friends and relatives: “Keanu Reeves is here in all of his strange glory.”

Sadly, the crowd was not invited to join the actor for his quickie lunch with rumored girlfriend China Chow. But they were allowed to watch Reeves walk five feet ahead of her afterward, then jump on his trusty Harley and end up completely soaked from a sudden rain.

Like the cool breezes his name connotes, the Matrix star’s emotions remained smooth even if his clothes didn’t.

Viva Italia!

With Sex and the Stinky City stud Jason Lewis‘ recent revelation that one of his possibly-famous ex-girlfriends bore a not so fresh personal aroma, the question arises like the fragrance from a garbage dump in August: Which celebrities have more than their fair share of funk?

Since stars, much like normal people, tend not to appreciate it when strangers come up and sniff them, we’ll have to judge by looks and reputation alone.

Sure, calling people stinkers is petty and superficial, but we’re dealing with a shallow business in a shallow world.

With that in mind, click on the gallery at right to view the top 10 stars least likely to pass the sniff test.