According to reports, after showing up massively late for his exclusive gig at a Moscow nightclub, Pete Doherty was pelted with bagels by unhappy audience members, one of which he picked up and ate. (A bagel, not an audience member.)

Go, Pete.

While the numerology of the bagel (“0″) certainly seems apt to Mr. Doherty, other troubled music artists are now fearing that they may be the next victims of this ironic food assault.  As a courtesy to these sensitive songsmiths, Celebuzz predicts what ironic food items may be headed their way.

Amy Winehouse better keep her guard up at her next performance, because while the sultry, drug-addled diva is laying some roundhouse kicks into the nightclub manager, she might find unhappy fans flinging this appropriate food item her way.

However, fans should not be surprised if Amy snacks on a few from off the stage and orders herself a couple or 20 martinis to wet her whistle.

P. Diddy better be watching his back, because so much time spent on his endless line of Sean Jean and I Am King licensed merchandise has caused him to lose focus on his underlying skill in music. 

He shouldn’t be surprised if fans start tossing some of his new signature line of candy bars in his general direction, as a message of ironic dissatisfaction.

John Mayer knows precisely what’s coming his way, based upon his never-ending tweets and comments to the media, the latest being of his more subtle variety:

“When I get married that’s gonna be my vows, ‘Do you, John Mayer, take this woman to have and to hold, to wear her ass like headgear?’ Yes, I do—you’re the one whose ass I wanna wear like a hat for the rest of my life.”

       — John Mayer, as quoted to New York Post, 1/29/10

Rapper T.I. may have lost a step or two after spending half a year in the Big House for hiding a boatload of weapons in his car, so he’d be wise to keep an eye out for the Glock Cake Guns that fans might be throwing his way.

Of course, there is the possibility T.I. still fires off a few rounds at his show. Thankfully, the guns are filled with jelly and frosting.

From the Tales of the Semi-Lucid, Amy Winehouse verbally assaulted actors on stage during a performance of “Cinderella” with a string of four-letter words that would cause even a wicked step-sister to blush. C’mon, who attacks fairy tale characters with the “f-word”?

Of course, Amy couldn’t stop with just the mouth-attack.  She got into a bit of a tussle with the theater’s manager, and, now, the police are investigating for potential charges.

In a bonus bit of Winehouse-she-be-crazy news, Amy has announced that she is newly re-engaged to, and wants to have kids with, ex-husband/junkie, Blake Fielder-Civil.  You may recall that the couple split a few months ago after a very brief, very raucous, very substance-laden marriage.

Fielder-Civil is currently in a court-ordered rehab following an arrest for assault. 

Could this really be a match made in heaven?

* * * * *

Perhaps inspired by the funny-but-sad cries for help from his music industry mate, Pete Doherty has found himself in another bit of a moronic pickle.

Moments after arranging for a no-jail-time plea for his recent drunk driving conviction, the disoriented Doherty accidentally dropped some “controlled substances” out of his pocket when proceeding through the court security checkpoint.

He was promptly re-arrested and taken across the street to start the court process all over again, this time for drug possession.

A new low for Pete or is that an almost impossibility at this point?

1. Sustain yourself with a diet based entirely around breaded and fried Berlin sausages.

2. Wash it all down with cigarettes and Port dessert wine, drank straight from the bottle.

3. Stand near a heater, slobber all over yourself, and always maintain the general appearance of being a wasted, homeless mess.

4. Just keep repeating these steps until you finally get arrested or die.

Click through our photo gallery for the complete visual guide to the Doherty diet!

New Music Express reports that Babyshambles frontman and legendary crackhead Pete Doherty has issued an apology after attempting to pump up the crowd at Munich’s On3 festival last Saturday. 

How’s that?

Oh, did we forget to mention that he attempted to rouse the audience by belting out the Nazi anthem “Das Deutschlandlied”?

Yeah. The crowd seemed to have a pretty big problem with that.

Following the uproar, a spokesperson for the singer was quick to clarify that Doherty meant no harm in conjuring Germany’s shameful history:

“[He] wanted to celebrate his appearance in Munich by assimilating and integrating with the crowd, something he tries do wherever he goes.”

Wow; if this is Pete’s attempt to play nice with others, can you imagine how offensive Doherty could be if he actually put some effort into it?

Check out Doherty’s performance, which begins with a rambling version of “Hit the Road, Jack,” below:

Maybe he should take some cues from Steve-O and learn how to kick his addiction before it’s too late. 

The Babyshambles frontman was just arrested on Friday for allegedly taking drugs on a British Airways flight and, even though he was charged, he was let go after he paid a fine. 

What has Doherty been charged for now?

Drunk driving and possession of class A drugs, according to the Guardian.

Doherty was arrested early Thursday morning after the police caught him driving recklessly after a gig in Gloucester. 

“At approximately 12:30 a.m. officers on patrol in Eastgate Street saw a car being driven erratically, it continued down Barton Street and was stopped in Derby Road. A 30-year-old man was arrested on suspicion of drink driving, possession of drugs and failure to stop for police, he remains in custody at this time,” said a spokesman for Gloucestershire police. 

While the woman who was taken into custody with Doherty was released without charge, Doherty is to be held in custody until Friday where he will appear before magistrates in Stroud. 

Britain’s infamous druggie Pete Doherty has once again been caught red handed. What number arrest is this?

On Friday, the singer was arrested in Switzerland after being accused of taking drugs on a British Airways flight.

After a flight attendant found Pete slumped in a toilet on his flight to Geneva along with a hypodermic needle in the toilet, he was detained by police upon arrival. Yet, he was still allowed to play a concert in Switzerland before returning to London yesterday.

A passenger on board revealed, “A few people on the plane recognised Pete and he went to the bathroom more than halfway into the flight.”

“He had been in there for about 25 minutes when the announcement came over the tannoy for the crew to prepare the flight for landing. The crew knocked on the door but Pete didn’t come out. They eventually managed to get in 10 minutes before the plane landed. Pete was taken back to his seat and he looked completely out of it.”

A police spokesman announced, ”We were contacted by the captain of a BA flight and a passenger was controlled by police. He was charged—but I cannot say what with. He paid a fine and was allowed to go.”

Tell us in the comments: Do you think Pete Doherty is EVER going to give up the drugs?

Some stars have just got something about them that majorly weirds everyone out!  

Take a look at this list of the top ten creepiest celebs, ordered from least to most freaky! 

Don’t agree with the picks? Leave your own in the comments! 

And yes, that goes for celebrities too—such as Rihanna, who apparently thinks she’s a member of the West Point marching band.

Click through the Top Ten Countdown on the right to revel in show biz’s biggest chapeau faux pas. You’ll be saying, “Hat’s incredible!”

This time, Doherty spouts off about…well, it’s kind of unclear, really. Dude makes Keith Richards sound like James Earl Jones. Something about chucking a laptop out of a window, and going to a concert, and probably an update on the civilization of ant-sized men who live at the back of his eye sockets and have crowned him as their leader.

The guy really should consider employing subtitles. Or picture-in-a-picture technology, where a burnout-to-English translator can decipher what Pete’s saying for his viewing audience.

Anyway, check out the video.

Just ask estranged Amy Winehouse husband Blake Fielder-Civil, who, according to British newspaper the Sun, offered a fellow prisoner nearly 40 grand to smash Pete Doherty “to pieces.”

Former bouncer Richard Lyttle, who had been incarcerated at Pentonville Prison in London (where Fielder-Civil is cooling his heels), claims Blake was enraged when he saw  newspaper photos of a dazed-looking Amy. Fielder-Civil became convinced that Babyshambles frontman Doherty was supplying drugs to the singer, not to mention sleeping with her.

“We were sitting in my cell, and he said, ‘If you get Doherty for me, I’ll give you £20,000.’ He kept saying, ‘Can you arrange it?’ and telling me to get some guys to his house,” Lyttle tells the paper. “He knew I used to be a doorman and knew some tough people. He said he wanted him smashed to pieces.”
 
Lyttle says he reported the incident to the cops, but they declined to take action.

Who can blame them? England’s legal system has already been gummed up enough dealing with Doherty.

But if Blake’s truly intent on going through with it, he should contact Pete himself. Doherty’s reportedly so broke he’d probably offer to kick his own ass—and for a lot less than 40 grand.

Your recent stay at the Cirque Lodge—for, as you call it, “depression”—proved you’re ready to join the big leagues and play Hollywood’s favorite game du jour: Celebrity Rehab Roulette.

But you still have a long way to go, girl. You’re already 26, and you’re still on your first 12 steps. In this town, that earns you a supporting role at best.

Take a tip from the Top 10 Countdown of rehabitués to your right and up your game.

Go ahead and spin out in the Cirque Lodge’s revolving door!

Like the Top 10…and this guy…and these guys…you’ll may find the experience addictive.

Avoiding the obvious answer that he spent it all on drugs, Doherty has convinced himself that he has been swindled. According to the feebleminded Babyshambles singer, “I’ve got a few concerns at the moment over issues with management—where the money has been going and distribution of wealth.”

This investigation of Pete’s includes a serious sit-down with his bandmates to figure out “what’s happening and why, when and who with.”

However, Doherty’s self-destructive behavior may eventually cost him his band as well. Conflicting rumors swirl that guitarist Mick Whitnall is quitting to join Amy Winehouse‘s touring band.

Whitnall has previously been romantically linked to Winehouse, an affair that ended his 15-year relationship with his girlfriend Hannah. Clearly, Mick likes mixing business with…drug-addled maniacs.

Just another day in the flat, proudly posted by Pete on his YouTube page, with Amy padding around in her dirty not-so-pretty things and calls from their mates to “show us your wanker.” This time, Amy tokes away while fingering a gaggle of newborn mice.

In a second video, aptly entitled “Winemouse,” the two stoned-out BFFs offer up a close-up of the inch-long, pink hairless baby rodents while Doperty serenades them, likening one to Razorlight rake Johnny Borrell.

Pete Doherty and Amy Winehouse were in a celebratory mood last night, following their respective liberation from the British legal system. (Doherty was recently released from jail after serving a sentence for drug charges; Winehouse learned that she wouldn’t be charged after a video of her allegedly smoking crack surfaced.)

So celebratory, in fact, that the scabby couple swapped spit in front of Amy’s Camden residence, following a “freedom” concert by Doherty’s band, Babyshambles.

Hopefully, a toxic cleanup crew was immediately called to the scene. There’s no telling what kind of public-health hazard might result if stray drops of the couple’s saliva stew were released into the atmosphere.

On the other hand, their combined spittle probably packs a killer high.

Amy was at the Good Mixer pub in Camden, England, hanging out by the pool tables, toking and chatting up fellow junkie rock star Pete Doherty‘s Babyshambles bandmates.

On the evening in question, the British press noted “the singer’s scrawny body, and pale weathered face appeared to confirm that she is again in the grip of a severe dependence on drugs and alcohol.” Ya think?

The tottering scarecrow toddled home at 4 a.m., accompanied by a group of scummy exploiters friends, and realized she had forgotten/thrown away/melted down and shot up her house keys. The only solution? Break into her house through her garage.

Don’t let appearances fool you. Amy has plans. She has allegedly been offered a publishing deal worth 1.2 million pounds to collaborate with jailed hubby Blake Fielder-Civil on a juicy tell-all. That’ll be one bloodstained, burned, spit-on volume of illegible drug scrawling coming to you through Amazon.

PARTNER LINKS

Socialite Life: Amy Winehouse: Sexy, Sassy, Staggering

What Would Tyler Durden Do?: I’ve Fallen in Love

INF Daily: Wino Loses Mind, Then Loses Keys