You’ve gazed upon their images millions of times, but have you ever wondered what your favorite celebrities would look like as portrait subjects in Renaissance-era paintings? Of course you have—who hasn’t? Especially the Photoshop wizards of Worth 1,000, who put their digital skills to work in order to find out.

Let’s go WAY old-school by clicking through the photo gallery to see Johnny Depp, Jennifer Aniston and other famous folks go medieval on our butts.

According to a recent poll conducted among every woman I know (all three of them), 66.6% of females claim that either a sex tape or nude photographs of themselves exist on some hard drive on some computer in some ex’s apartment somewhere. Among celebrities, this figure is thought to be even higher.

From celebs you’ve long since forgotten, to the television and film stars of today, the Internet is awash with celebrity sex tapes (the most recent example being A Shot at Love vixen Tila Tequila‘s recorded romp). To fulfill my oath of service to Celebuzz readers, I have personally reviewed each and every one of these sex tapes from the comfort of my beloved, second-hand, green-velvet porn couch. Sifting through dozens of hours of celebrity sex tapes has driven home one point above all else: these people need writers. The dialog … yikes.

But take a look inside this tawdry photo gallery for my selections of the Best of the Worst, or maybe, the Worst of the Best, of the celebrity sex tapes on the market (and, by “market,” I mean fairly and squarely stolen from the Internet).

If you could see a sequel to one of these, which would it be?

For a little fella, Austin Powers actor Verne Troyer, who stands 2′ 8″ tall, has endured a big man’s share of personal indignity in the past year.

First, back in September 2008, a sex tape of 39-year-old Verne and his much younger and taller girlfriend, Ranae Shrider, became available for purchase over the Internet. Troyer sued to have the tape removed from any websites that carried it, but the damage had been done.

In the wake of that shame, Verne filed a lawsuit against Ranae claiming $20 million in damages for emotional terrorism and battery following revelations that she had nearly drowned him in the bathtub during sex

Next, at the end of September, Verne’s rebound date, Canadian model Dominique Arganes, turned out to be a little fella fetishist who had been two-timing Troyer with Jackass small guy Wee Man.

Now, as 2009 begins, Verne’s ex wife, Genevieve Gallen, has gone to News of the World (via Celebitchy)

Verne Troyer is truly unlucky in love. His sex tape with ex-girlfriend Ranae Shrider was a big bomb. Shrider publicly mocked Mini Me’s mini-me and, unlike other xxx video stars, Verne’s nudie movie did nothing for the petite thesp’s career.

Making matters worse, Verne finally thought he had found a gal who could see past his size, Canadian model Dominique Arganes. But it turns out his size was the only thing she was interested in.

Dominique is so into the midget scene that she’s been spotted cheating in photos with Jackass star Wee Man, the New York Post reports.

But things are rosy for Dominique. Her fondess for munchkin men has scored her a job in classy Jeff Beacher‘s “Beacher’s Burlesque” in Las Vegas.

Beacher told the Post, “She’s one of the most beautiful girls I’ve ever seen, and as soon as I heard she was sleeping with every midget in town, I knew she was perfect for my show.”

Every midget in town, huh? Even him?

Nowadays, it seems like a celebrity really hasn’t made it until one of their private videos “accidentally” lands on the Internet.

Last week the world was shocked to learn that Jeremy Jackson, otherwise known as young Hobie from Baywatch, is shopping around his sex tape.

Starting Monday, Internet eyes are now able to view the Verne Troyer sex tape for a small fee.

Click through our list of the top 10 celebrity sex tapes. That is, if you dare!

Verne Troyer‘s sex tape turned up on a paysite called SexWithMiniMe.Com yesterday. Troyer had previously brokered a deal with SugarDVD that the tape could not be released without his consent, and Troyer’s lawyer is denying the diminutive actor had anything to do with its being sold.

Victoria Beckham turned heads yesterday at the Marc Jacobs show at New York Fashion Week by unveiling a new hairstyle. David Beckham‘s wife is now wearing her hair in an extremely short pixie cut, ala Mia Farrow in Rosemary’s Baby.

New England Patriots QB and supermodel Gisele Bundchen‘s boyfriend Tom Brady will not play the rest of the season due to a torn ACL. Brady was injured on Sunday in a game with the Kansas City Chiefs.

UFC fighter Evan Tanner’s body was found in the California desert yesterday. He had gone adventuring into the desert on Friday, and texted a friend the same day that he was out of water and needed help inspiring a massive search.

Sources tell Us that Jennifer Lopez was the guest judge on the season finale of Project Runway. There is no official confirmation, but the episode was shot this past Friday to coincide with New York Fashion Week.

Celebrities in magazines usually look gorgeous, fit, and fabulous. It’s like they’re always perfect or something—without even trying. 

It’s hard for normal folk to discern what celebrities actually look like in person. Heights, weights, and overall appearances are skewed with digitally altered magazine shots and movie body doubles. 

In person, these celebrities don’t measure up to what you see on the big screen. Take a look at this countdown of the shortest men in Hollywood, from shrimpiest to average size. Were you surprised?

Leave it in comments.

Sure, these men are talented in their given fields, but their overachieving just might be overcompensating for being dealt a heavy beating with the ugly stick.

These guys are loveable, but for things other than their smoking bods and chisled features.

See for yourself. Click through our countdown of guys who had to work a little bit harder than most of their Hollywood friends. Ordered from average looking to “what in the hell?,” they’re on a level all their own!

And now it’s time for a little celebrity legal news.

Or is that little-celebrity legal news?

TMZ.com reports that Verne “Mini-Me” Troyer is suing Ranae Shrider, his former girlfriend with whom he filmed a sex tape, for $20 million.

Troyer alleges that Shrider not only tried to peddle their documented love romp, but engaged in a campaign of emotional terrorism and battery against him.

And no, the battery charge doesn’t involve the time Shrider nearly drowned Troyer during a round of bathtub sex.

Troyer claims that Ranae once picked the lock of his door, pushed aside a 100-pound scooter that he’d used as a barricade, then threw him to the floor.

“When you pick up a 2′ 8″ human being and throw him to the floor, it hurts,” says Troyer’s attorney, Ed McPherson.

Whoa; sounds like someone‘s speaking from experience!

…and, really, who doesn’t want to hear the gory details from the night Verne Troyer and Ranae Shrider made sweet music for the camera?

Lucky for us, classy lass Ranae blabbed about everything—no, really…everything—to U.K. rag News of the World.

Here are the top five quotes from the coup of the century:

* “I had to kneel down just to give him a hug. And anything but the traditional missionary position was just impossible. So I’d lie on the bed and Verne would crawl up my legs to have sex with me. And as he did it his feet would be tickling my knees!”

* “It was strange having sex with someone who couldn’t reach to kiss me at the same time, except for my tummy that is! I was so relieved it was over. But minutes later Verne was ready to go again. That night we made love three times in 20 minutes, which most bigger men only dream about doing.”

* “I thought it would be fun to do it in the tub. Sadly I almost killed him. While Verne was watching TV I ran the bath, emptied a bottle of bubbles in it and called him in. But the bubbles were so thick and high that once he climbed in he got lost under the water and I couldn’t see him.”

* “I was frantic and started to scoop the bubbles out so I could find him. The bath was only about three feet deep but for someone of Verne’s size it was like he’d fallen into the deep end of a swimming pool—and he CAN’T swim. I put my hand under and eventually felt his bald head and hauled him out. I couldn’t believe I’d tried to do something sexy and ended up almost killing him. He looked like a drowned rat.”

* “Without a doubt there’s nothing Verne enjoys more than seeing himself on screen. Watching his own films is his favourite hobby. So it was no surprise when he asked if he could film us having sex. He said we could use it to get ourselves turned on. First the tape shows Verne pleasuring me for 15 minutes which was amazing. The next 45 minutes is us having sex. And we really enjoyed ourselves.”

Even tiny people can fight back big time. Verne Troyer, or Austin Powers‘ little Mini-Me, filed a $20 million federal lawsuit against gossip site TMZ for running snatches of a sex tape he made with his girlfriend at the time, standard-size actress Ranae Shrider.

Dr. Evil’s right-hand man says the tape was stolen and that cease-and-desist letters sent to the Website were ignored.

The suit alleges invasion of privacy, breach of copyright, trademark infringement, violation of right to publicity and misappropriation of name and likeness, and also targets Kevin Blatt, whose claim to fame is the purveyance of Paris Hilton‘s One Night in Paris seXXX tape.

Troyer seems to believe that his video slid through Blatt’s porn-brokering hands and onto the Internet.

Blatt is reportedly in cahoots with SugarDVD, which E! Online says bannered a “full-length 50-minute video of Mini-Me in bed with a hot, young, FULL-SIZED sexy woman.”

And who wouldn’t want to see a little Verne going a long way?

Remember when the littlest star, Verne Troyer, was living in the Surreal Life house, got drunk and peed in a corner of the living room? Yeah, well, if you think that image was disturbing, you really, really don’t want to read any further.

This video features the star of Austin Powers growing a few extra inches with his ex-girlfriend at their apartment. According to TMZ, Kevin Blatt, the man behind the One Night in Paris deal, is brokering a $100,000 offer from SugarDVD for distribution rights of the Mini-Me porno.

Um, that’s hot?

“Mariska Hargitay! Mariska Hargitay!” No, we’re not talking about the actress, we mean the blessing of happiness and tranquillity that peppers Mike Myers‘ new comedy The Love Guru.

It kept the peace last night, as fans lined Hollywood Boulevard to catch a glimpse of the funnyman and buddy Justin Timberlake at the famed Grauman’s Chinese Theater.

Alas, J.T. left the renowned Speedo in the drawer for the night—probabably a bummer for Myers, who has readily admitted to a “man crush” on the “SexyBack” star. “I will confirm that [adoration],” he told Us magazine.

He recalls the water wear quite fondly, though. “What is amazing about the Speedo is they had to do a lot of special effects to reduce the size. Oh, yeah, you heard it here first, folks!”

Also on hand were the hockey flick’s stars Meagan Good, Verne Troyer (who actually is shorter than the Stanley Cup), Telma Hopkins, Romany Malco and Mariska Hargitay herself.

No doubt watching the recap on Access Hollywood was Jessica Alba, who just delivered baby Honor Marie Warren five days earlier. Safe to assume those mammaries need to stay in their corral for just a bit longer.

Click into the gallery at right for all the festivities—and check out the flick’s first music video, featuring a belly-dancing Alba.