That’s why the Internet is here—to sift through the clutter and deliver the dish.

The big news, of course, was the adorable family album featuring the Pitt-Jolies and their newest clan members. Other hot news included sexy beach bodies, Miley Cyrus and her scandalous activities, and Christina Applegate‘s unfortunate battle with breast cancer. Oh yeah, and apparently John Mayer and Jennifer Aniston are having a baby and getting married. Yeah right!

Click through the cover shots on the right.

The extensive captions will fit a week’s worth of news into the time it takes for your boss to go to the executive washroom.

Enjoy it on the quick and on the sly.